| Are You Ready For Marriage?
Is getting married right for you?
What do you need to know about your partner?
If you're thinking of getting married, it's
time to ask yourself some questions. If you are already married, your
answers to these questions can help you, too!
Ask yourself these five questions:
1.
Why Are You Getting Married?
Be honest and evaluate the reasons.
Sit down and write a pro/con list about your partner and your
relationship.
Don't get married to escape something. You want to move toward
something positive.
If you have to talk yourself into getting married, don't do it! You
are not ready as yet. You may get there at some point, but not now.
2.
Do You Know and Trust Your Partner's Personal History?
The best predictor of future behavior is
past behavior.
How has your partner behaved in past relationships?
How does he/she behave with you?
How well do you know your partner?
3.
Did You Plan Your Marriage Instead of Just Your Wedding?
Clothes, guests, reception… these are all
exciting aspects of a wedding, but there's more at stake than one day.
Don't forget to think about the next 50 years.
With your partner, develop an "emotional prenuptial
agreement" that outlines how you'll handle children, money, trust
issues, and division of labor.
Make sure you are putting the same amount of time and effort in
being realistic about what marriage entails and not just planning your
wedding day.
4.
Do You Stand to Lose More than You Gain?
Look at the cost of your
relationship.
If you have to give up your friends, career, or family, the cost is too
high.
Look at the ability to compromise and accommodate each other.
5.
Have You Identified and Communicated Your Needs and Expectations?
Know yourself. You cannot determine if
somebody is good for you if you don't know your own needs and expectations.
Express your needs and expectations now, not after getting married.
How well do you and your partner communicate?
Do you have a similar value system?
You should also be familiar with what you and your partner learned about
marriage from your parents. If he saw
his mother doing all the work and dad sitting on his behind... chances are
that IS what he will do. If you saw your parents arguing frequently,
chances are that is what you will re-create... that is the communication
style you learned. If you saw a loving/giving relationship that is
what you will create. If you saw anger and abuse, that is what you
will create. |
