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| Sexual Ethics Prof. Hassan Hathout Sex is the ultimate expression of
love and is a total physical and emotional encounter. In a brief but
beautiful expression the Quran refers to this relation between husbands
and wives saying: "They are your garments and you are their garments." (2:187) The sexual unison between husband and
wife is more than seeking a relief from the urge of desire. Indeed the
prophet taught that it is one of the charities in Islam. He said to his
companions, enumerating examples of charitable deeds: "And when the one of you makes
love (has sex) it is a rewardable charity. " His companions were surprised and
asked him' 'How come the one of us answers the urge of his desire and out
of this gets the reward of a charity. To which the prophet answered: Don't you see that if he does the
same but in a forbidden situation it would be counted against him as a
sin? And so if he does it in legitimacy it is counted for him as a
charity." (Muslim) The sexual relation is a very special
relation between consorts, and should be accorded the privacy it deserves.
It is not befitting that either of them divulges this aspect of their life
to anyone. The prophet peace be upon him emphasizes this ethic in the
strongest terms. He said: "Amongst the lowest grades of
people before God on the day of judgement, is the man going to his wife
(and making sex) and she going to him: then either of them divulging their
common secret." (Abu
Said) Addressing a gathering of men and
women the prophet looked to the men and said: "Would it be that the
one of you locks his door and draws his curtains and seeks his need (sex)
from his consort: and later when he goes out he talks to his friends about
it?" He then turned to the women and said' 'Would it be that
the one of you locks her door and draws her curtains and seeks her need
from her consort: and later when she goes out she talks to her women
friends about it? There was an air of admitting silence and a woman said
'It happens apostle of God. The prophet said: “never do that, or
it would be like a male devil that encountered a female devil and
copulated with her out in the middle of the road and then left her and
went away” (Abu Said) In order to maintain the bliss and
pleasantness of the relation, both husband and wife should acquire the
hygienic and esthetic habits that keep them attractive to one another. It
does not behoove the woman only to beautify herself for her husband, but
this is a reciprocal right. The prophet is reported to have rebuked a man
who looked shabby and neglected to tidy his hair and clothing, stating
that it was his wife's right that he looks at his best to her, as she to
him. Ibn Abbas, a notable scholar of the first Islamic century, stated: '
'Most certainly I am keen on making myself handsome to my wife, just as I
like her to beautify herself for me, in keeping with God's saying in the
Quran that: 'Women have rights even as they have obligations in an
equitable way." (2:228) It is not only a woman's duty, but
indeed also her privilege to look at her best in her husband's sight.
Husbands away on a journey should announce their coming back rather than
taking their wives by surprise, so that the wife has time to beautify
herself before meeting her husband. Whenever the prophet's caravan arrived
back at Madina, they would camp in the suburbs, send a messenger to
announce their arrival, and go to their homes after suitable notice. One
of his traditions says: "If you are in a journey do not enter your home all of a sudden so that the tuggy haired would comb and the unprepared get ready. " (The five except Nissa 'i) In modern times sexology has become a
science by itself, and modern western societies almost congratulate
themselves for at last recognizing woman's right to attain sexual satiety
out of sexual intercourse. The 'right to orgasm' is amongst the latest in
the inventory of rights claimed by the' , "Women's Lib." and
other feminist movements. Fourteen centuries ago, Islam recognized that
right, as evidenced by the saying of the prophet: "If any of you has sex with his
wife let he be true to her. If he attains his pleasure before her then he
shouldn't hurry her away until she also attains her pleasure." (Anas
) Standard writings in sexology over
the past few decades have described the physiological human sexual
response and classified it into the four phases of excitation, plateau,
orgasm and resolution. Ideally these phases should coincide in both
partners, otherwise there will be sexual dysharmony, often due to the man
getting his orgasm while the woman is still eagerly awaiting, with
inflamed desire, to also achieve her orgasm. As orgasm is followed by
resolution where the male organ gets flacid and the man enters into a
refractory period after his sexual desire has been satiated through
orgasm, the conclusion of the act at that stage would be unfair to the
woman having been aroused but not satisfied, and that is what the prophet
warns against. The man should not just turn his back and go away or go to
sleep, leaving his wife frustrated. The coital exercise should proceed
until she is satisfied. An effective method of correcting this form of
disharmony is to spend time enjoying their intimacy and helping themselves
to one another's bodies in totality, before moving on to genital
intercourse. The pleasures of sex spread themselves over a much wider area
than the genital region, as manifest in kissing, embracing and caressing
the body especially over the erogenous zones of the female physique. This
indeed is the normal and commendable approach to sex. It adds to the
mechanistic element of sex, the emotional dimension of tender love and
mutual affection beautifully portrayed in the Quran as: ''They are your
garments, and you are their garments."
It also ensures that by the time the couple move on to genital
introduction, the woman would have been aroused over a sufficient period
of time and become so excited that she is already quite near her orgasm.
In modern medical jargon this prelude is called the' ‘foreplay’,
...but again long before it was dreamt in the rest of the world of such
women's rights, the prophet of Islam gave the same guidance, politely
referring to foreplay as the "messenger', in his saying: "Let not the one of you fall
upon his wife like a beast falls. It
is more appropriate to send a messenger before the act" Amongst good sexual ethics also is
that the couple should be sensitive to each other’s needs and
limitations, and ups and downs. Even a virtuous excuse like deep
involvement in worship is not accepted if the man forgets or ignores his
wife's rights. In such a case it is the woman's right to protest. History
reports the woman who went to Umar ibn al Khattab (second caliph)
consulting him: My husband fasts by day and prays all night. ..and I feel
embarrassed to complain seeing that he spends his time worshipping God.
The man was summoned for a hearing. The final verdict was to have three
nights for his own worship and to heed the needs of his wife during the
rest of the week. Umar also asked his daughter Hafsa how long a woman
should stand being away from her husband, Upon which he decreed that
fighting troops should be given leave to come back home every six months. Similarly a woman should be
responsive to her husband's call. Seeing that men are more prone to sexual
arousal by a variety of visual stimuli as they move about all day, the
prophet's advice was that the wife should always answer her husband's
call: "The right of the husband is
that when he calls his wife to sex she should not deny him herself. "
(Tialissi) The prophet also advised that whenever a man sees something that arouses his sexual desire, he should go and have sex with his wife. with permission from: http://www.islamicmedicine.org/ |
