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As Muslims, we often spend so much time discussing and explaining the Muslim woman's unique way of dressing to others (and even to each other) that it leaves the impression that women are responsible for controlling the desire and behaviors of men in society. Naturally, then, people want to know why men simply don't learn how to behave and stop blaming women for being beautiful, something which cannot be controlled anyway. Recently I received an e-mail from a reader asking for some clarification on these issues. I am grateful for the letter she sent me because it is an opportunity to review the responsibilities of the Muslim man with regards to his dress, behavior and interaction with women in society. In addition, it is a good introduction to discussing the virtues of hijab (veil) beyond its function in concealing the beauty of the female body.

In Islam, men and women both are responsible for controlling their desires and this is apparent in every aspect of the Islamic faith, beginning with the story of Adam and Eve (peace be upon them), the first man and woman on Earth, upon whom Allah (God) placed equal blame for the sins they committed in the Garden as described in the Qur'an, the holy book of Muslims. This is different from the Biblical accounts of Adam and Eve which assert that Eve is the one responsible for leading Adam towards sin and was cursed with the pain of menstruation and childbirth as her punishment and legacy for all of womankind to inherit as a reminder for her sins. It is very important that we understand the responsibility of Adam, peace be upon him, in this scenario in order to realize that Islam at its very foundation did not make a distinction between male and female when it comes to taking responsibility for one's own shortcomings, mistakes and character flaws which are common to all human beings regardless of gender. Nor did Islam burden women with the legacy of Eve's sins as it is believed that all humans are born sin-free and cannot sin until they have matured and learned the difference between right and wrong. Take a look at the article Women In Islam Versus Women In The Judaeo-Christian Tradition, by Dr. Sherif Abdel-Azeem to learn more about Adam and Eve as explained by Islam.

Men and women both are commanded in the Qur'an to adhere to Islamic guidelines for dress and behavior: this includes modest dress for both as well as the requirement that un-related men and women do not meet together alone or have friendships with one another outside the married relationship. If men and women must interact for some reason (let's say at the supermarket) then both are required to lower their eyes and refrain from flirting or unnecessary conversation. A man who is attracted to a woman who is not his wife is commanded to avoid that woman and go home to his wife while unmarried men are urged to fast as a means of suppressing sexual desire. Early marriage is highly recommended for both men and women as a means of completing one's faith and as a solution for dealing with the many temptations that can lead one towards sin.

While Muslim men are allowed in Islam to expose more of the body than their sisters in faith, it is preferred for men to cover themselves fully and we find that Muslim men all over the world tend to wear conservative clothing and even cover their heads in public. Indeed, if one takes a look at a traditional Saudi man and his wife, for example, there is hardly a difference in the dress of the two individuals as both are likely to be wearing long, flowing robes as well as something to conceal the head and hair. As Muslims, we are taught by our religion that Allah loves shyness and that shyness is from our faith. If asked, Muslim men who wear conservative dress are sure to say that they do it in order to gain the pleasure of our Lord and Creator and that there is no oppression involved. 

Whether one lives in an Islamic society or not, men and women are certain to encounter one another in public life, whether it is at work, school, in the marketplace or anywhere else. As Muslim women who live in the United States, for example, we cannot expect that our husbands will go to work each day and never see beautiful, alluring women. Without a doubt, some of these women will try to establish friendships with our husbands (perhaps not realizing that this is prohibited in our religion), while others may try to tempt them into affairs on purpose. While Islam prescribed the veil for Muslim women as a means of downplaying our beauty and creating an atmosphere of respect between the sexes, this does not then give a license to the Muslim man to lose respect for other women (and for himself) when he encounters non-veiled women. So, to get back to the original question, the Muslim man is absolutely responsible for controlling himself when faced with the temptation of women: whether a woman is veiled from head to toe or wearing only a bikini, he must, as a matter of faith and dignity, avoid the women who tempt him by following the steps mentioned above. It is very important for Muslim men and women both to understand and practice Lowering the Gaze.

As a mother, I consider it just as important to teach my sons to dress and behave properly in front of women as it is to teach my daughters the same behavior in front of men. I do think that modest behavior and dress should be taught from a young age and that boys and girls both deserve to be dressed modestly because this will teach them that their self-worth is in their faith, good deeds and intelligence rather than in being cute or flirtatious in order to impress the opposite sex, something which distracts many young girls in particular. It is important for Muslim parents to make it clear for their sons as well as their daughters that fornication and adultery are not only wrong from the moral point of view but that they are also very serious crimes in Islam which carry equal punishments for men and women both. (These punishments include whipping or stoning depending on the marital status of the offenders.) It is the responsibility of parents to teach boys and girls both to lower the gaze in the presence of the opposite sex and to provide them with a practical means of curbing their desires once they reach puberty. There should also be reassurance for our children that we will help them to get married when they feel that they are ready to handle it.

While the question that prompted this article was linked to a question about the Muslim woman's dress, it should be evident that modest dress alone is not what prevents a society from improper behavior. In order to have the desired effect, such dress must be accompanied by an understanding of the Islamic morals and manners which are required of all believing Muslims whether they are male or female. Until now, I have briefly described what Islam requires of Muslim men with regards to their responsibility in avoiding the temptation of women. But I did not even begin to discuss non-Muslim men or what role the Muslim woman's dress has in her own interactions with the men and women she will meet in her life. As I alluded to in the introduction of this article, hijab is much more than a means to conceal the beauty of the female body. Allah willing, I will explore these issues more in future articles.