The Ideal Muslim Husband:
A Review
Ibrahim Bowers
An informative new video by Sound Vision
entitled "The Ideal Muslim Husband" was produced to discuss what
Islam has to say about the characteristics of the ideal Muslim husband and
his role, responsibilities, and rights in marriage.
Most Muslim men would like to be ideal
husbands. And most Muslim women would, no doubt, like to be married to
one. But, for some reason, the men are not ideal husbands, and the women
will almost surely admit that they didn't marry one. So, why the
discrepancy between our sincere aspirations and reality? Is it an
inability on the part of the man, an impossible goal; or is it perhaps
that we do not even know what an ideal Muslim husband is?
Wrong Concept of an Ideal Husband
A look at the matrimonial section of an
Islamic magazine will quickly demonstrate that many Muslim men and women
do not know what an ideal Muslim husband is. Muslim men looking for wives
advertise themselves as doctors, engineers, and financially secure. Muslim
women appear to be on the lookout for an established professional or more
likely a handsome MD. Rarely do Muslim men and women even mention
character, religious convictions, and attitudes as a priority. At most,
they might be mentioned as a sidebar. It seems that many of us believe
that a man is an ideal Muslim husband if he is handsome, makes a lot of
money, and comes from an influential family. And the divorce rate among
Muslims continues to rise.
Standard of Judging an Ideal Husband
As Muslims, we must base our judgment
on what makes an ideal Muslim husband on the guidance of Allah and the
example of Prophet Muhammad (SAWS), not on the standards of a TV sitcom,
the culture in which we were born, or our own materialistic mentality.
Participants on this Video
Using examples from the life of Prophet Muhammad (SAWS), the words of
the Holy Quran, and personal experience, a panel of Muslim men and women
--- Dr. Abdullah Hakim Quick, Dr. Jamal Badawi, Abdallah Idris Ali, Dr.
Ingrid Mattison, Khadija Haffagee, Mariam Bhabha, and Abdul Malik Mujahid
--- talk about the qualities of a Muslim husband and the Muslim family.
Main Contents of this Video
They discuss such matters as a husband taking advice from his wife,
communication within the family, the husband's helping the wife in the
house, consultation (Shura) within the family, being a good example for
the children, overlooking bad qualities in one's wife and focusing on her
good qualities, and sharing the responsibility of raising the children.
First Characteristic of an Un-Ideal
Husband: Hot Temper
A major problem in some Muslim
marriages unfortunately is the husband's hot temper and harsh behavior.
Some even go so far as to abuse their wives. Dr. Quick gives a word of
warning to these men who often come from cultures that teach them to be
tough and macho. He says that there should be no violence between husband
and wife and that Muslim men should not be the kind of tyrannical fathers
whose children run away and hide when their father comes home. He says
that we have to separate our non-Islamic cultures from Islam. The ideal
Muslim husband will base his behavior on Islam, not on his Arab, American,
or Pakistani culture.
Second Characteristic of an Un-Ideal
Husband: Egoistic
Another major problem in Muslim
marriages is the husband's failure to consider his wife's opinions. In
fact, Abdallah Idris Ali says that the failure of the Muslim Ummah as a
whole has to do with our failure in practicing the concept of Shura
(consultation). People think that they are right and others are wrong, he
says. We will do much better if we consider the opinions of others and let
them feel that they are a part of the decision-making process. Along the
same lines, Dr. Quick points out that if a woman makes a true (haqq)
point, the husband should submit to it. He should in no way reject a point
just because it comes from a woman. Demonstrating the huge difference
between the way the Prophet (SAWS) dealt with his wives and the way Muslim
men deal with their wives today, Abdallah Idris Ali tells the story of the
time when Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) was sleeping under one cover with his
wife Ayesha, and he asked her permission to get up to pray.
Third Characteristic of an Un-Ideal
Husband: Unhelpful
The failure to help in the house and to
help with the raising of the children are well-known weaknesses of
husbands. The video makes it clear that Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) helped in
the house, and Abdul Malik Mujahid says that a man cannot be an ideal
Muslim husband, or even close to a good husband, if he leaves the
responsibility of children completely to the mother. Khadija Haffagee
tells the story of a father who took a three-month-old infant to pray with
him and after the prayer did the 'tasbih" on the child's hand. This,
she said, was training by the father. Dr. Quick warns that when training
our children, we should be careful not to raise sons with a double
standard where they have no household responsibilities. If we do, they
will likely grow up with the attitude that they don't need to do this kind
of work --- that they are above it.
Prophet: An Ideal Father
As a beautiful example of a healthy
father-child relationship, Abdul Malik Mujahid tells the story of how the
Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) used to stand up for his daughter Fatima, kiss
her, and give her his seat when she came to him. This was in an age when
people preferred sons and looked down on having daughters. With this
simple act, the Prophet (SAWS) showed us how to express love and affection
for our children --- an essential quality for an ideal Muslim husband.
An Ideal Ex-Husband
Being an ideal Muslim husband, however,
goes even farther than the marriage, Dr. Quick points out. Even after a
divorce, a Muslim husband must strive to be the best ex-husband. A husband
shouldn't be Mr. Kindness in marriage and then treat his wife badly in
divorce, Dr. Quick says. He must divorce her in the best manner with good
treatment.
Other Valuable Advises
This video goes beyond just talking
about an ideal Muslim husband and deals with ways to improve the family.
It attempts to prevent many marital problems by advising young people who
want to get married. After informing them about what makes an ideal Muslim
husband, it cautions them to be concerned about these qualities ---not
just the material aspects --- when considering a prospective spouse.
In fact, what emerges from the video is
that being an ideal Muslim husband has very little or nothing to do with
the amount of money one has, physical beauty, or the prestige of one's
job. Rather, it has to do with one's commitment to Allah, one's knowledge
of and willingness to follow the guidance of Allah and the Prophet's
example, and one's commitment to do righteousness even in difficult
situations. The ideal Muslim husband should be humble, gentle, kind,
considerate, caring, loving, open to good advice, willing to cooperate
with others in the family rather than dictate rules, helpful in the house,
involved in raising the children, and never abusive either physically or
mentally.
No doubt, this is a very tall order.
Becoming an ideal Muslim husband will certainly not be easy. It will take
a jihad against 'jahiliyyah" thinking, selfishness, ego, vanity,
anger, pride, and arrogance.
Source: SoundVision
http://www.soundvision.com/islamicinfo/marriage.ideal.shtml |
