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| Duties of Men in Islam
In America, we can see many (muslim) men involved in drinking and carousing, refusing to get married, refusing to work, or if they do work, spending their money on silly and useless things like fancy cars, stereos, expensive clothes and whatnot. Meanwhile, there are women, young and old, fending for themselves. Sisters who are destroying their health because they have to raise and support children with no husband in sight. Really, we must ask ourselves, what good does it do for us to talk about making jihad against the Disbelievers when we are not taking care of our families and our own communities in the way of Allah? In the event that a Muslim sister is lacking the maintenance which the Quran demands for her and her children: to be given food, clothing and shelter, protection from harassment or crime, this is the responsibility of the entire community. We as Muslims must strive, in accordance with what Allah has given us, to make the world such a place that it will be safe for children to be born, where mothers and fathers will not grieve, but rejoice every time Allah grants them a little baby into their care out of his Mercy. It is important that we start the jihad for the establishment of Islam in our society within our families. If we cannot practice the Sunnah of love, respect and helpfulness in our own homes, of what use will it be if we proclaim the Sharia throughout the land? How are we going to heal our society? There is only one way. We can only do it by raising children who are willing to uphold Islam in their hearts and their actions. The son, especially, should be taught very early to respect his mothers and sisters and to defend their honor at any cost. To always speak well of them, and to help them with whatever they need, to the best of his ability. This kind of education will help him to know how to behave with his wife, who will be his permanent companion when he grows up. We can see in the Hadith how important it is for Muslim men to spend time with their families. The Prophet Muhammed, peace be upon him, always helped his wives with their housework, and he instructed us that this would be counted and rewarded by Allah as charity. His cousin Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, was also a model of Islamic courtesy and chivalry. He was a familiar sight at home, playing with his children. These Muslim men were courageous warriors, and yet, they treated their families with loving kindness. The role of the man in the marriage relationship is that of provider for the family. Many men complain that this is not fair. “Why is it MY job to pay the rent?” This is because in Islam, childbearing, nursing and taking care of the household are considered work. The man is expected to provide his wife for all her needs, regardless of how much money she has independently. This right to shelter, food and clothing is, or should be anyway, the privilege of all Muslim women. Any money a woman earns outside the home and contributes to the household is considered by Allah to be charity. It is contrary to Islamic boundaries of proper courtesy for a husband to expect his wife to feel forced to leave her home and earn money for the needs of her children or herself. It is also completely inappropriate for a Muslim family to reside in an upper-class neighborhood if this income is dependent on the wife’s working and giving all her money to her husband. At the same time, Islam has not restricted women to the home. This fact is obvious in the Quran (2:233) where it states, “If ye decide on a foster mother for your offspring, there is no blame on you, provided ye pay (her) what ye offered, on equitable terms.” Quite simply, this means that if the wife does not wish to nurse the baby, there is nothing wrong with the husband providing a nanny or baby-sitter for their children, so that his wife can lead an active lifestyle, if that is her choice. Now in Islam, the role of taking care another woman’s children is a very respected role. It’s not just that you give some teenager $5 so that you can go out to dinner. No, the role of the nursemaid means that she is considered family to your children, such that they will never intermarry with her biological children, because they are “related by milk.” This provision is also a sort of an Islamic welfare system. A woman who is in need of income may seek employment in a Muslim household as a nurse for their children. The parents should make sure she is of kind heart and true character before entrusting their children to her care. And all the while she is in the home, they are obliged to treat her as they would treat themselves, in complete decency. The relationship of the mother to the son is the closest relationship two human beings can have. That is why psychological studies show that boy babies are much more attracted to their mothers than girl babies, who demonstrate independence at a far earlier age. This is due to the Wisdom and Mercy of Allah’s great Plan, because the girl, when she grows up, will go on to be part of an entirely new family when she marries, and she will have her own children to bear and to raise. The boy, on the other hand, will be responsible for his mother until she dies. So the bond has to be very deep and very strong, that it will help the son to make the great sacrifices for the protection of his mother, especially in old age. A Muslim is supposed to listen to his mother even before he listens to his father. It is our mothers who have the greatest impact upon our lives. Even while we were still in the womb, she gave us love and taught us about Islam. During our lives, she is the one who will grieve the most when we do something wrong. On the day of Judgement, Allah will ask each person’s mother is she was pleased with her child. Insha’allah, if we can make our mothers happy, then Allah will be pleased with us.
This article was published in the August 1996 issue of the Islamic Journal. Author name and contact info unknown |