Sūrah al Nisa 4.34: The Most Misunderstood Ayah
of the Qur'ān regarding Women
Uzma Mazhar
Sūrah al Nisa 4:34
Men are the (qawwamuna) support of women as God gives some more means than others,
and because they spend of their wealth (to provide for them). So women who
are virtuous are obedient to God and guard the hidden as God has guarded
it. As for women you feel are averse, talk to them persuasively; then
leave them alone in bed (without molesting them) and go to bed with them
(when they are willing). If they open out to you, do not seek an excuse
for blaming them. Surely God is Sublime and Great.
For
more detailed definitions of words that seem to cause some of this
confusion, check Defining
Critical Words 4.34 & Translations
of 4.34-35
Consider the numerous verses in the
Quran that ask Muslims to refrain from aggression and violence, except
in self-defense, even in a war... how is it possible that the same God
would allow aggression toward a mate?
Sūrah al Nisa 4.77
"Art thou not aware of those who have been told, 'Curb your
hands'...."
Sūrah al Imran 3.134
"... and hold in check their anger..."
Sūrah 42.41-42
But indeed if any do help and defend themselves after a wrong (done) to
them, against such there is no cause of blame.
The blame is only against those who oppress in wrongdoing and insolently
transgress beyond bounds, defying right and justice: for such there will
be a penalty grievous.
Sūrah al Baqarah 2.217
Oppression is worse than killing.
Consider the verses that directly
address and order men not to hold women against their will.
Sūrah Al-Baqarah 2. 230
And women have rights similar to the rights against them, according to
what is equitable.
Sūrah Al-Baqarah 2. 231
Do not retain them against their will in order to hurt
Sūrah An Nisa 4:19
It is not lawful for you to try to hold your wives against their will,
and neither shall you keep them under constraint with a view to taking
away anything of what you may have given them, unless it be that they have
become guilty of immoral conduct in an obvious manner.
Consort with wives in goodly manner; for if you dislike them, it
may well be that you dislike something which God might yet make a source
of abundant good.
Consider the verses that explain the
purpose of a marital relationship, and the creation of mates.
Sūrah ar Rum 30.21
"And among His wonders is this: He creates for you mates out of your
own kind, so that your might incline towards then, and He engenders love
and tenderness between you: in this, behold, there are messages indeed for
people who think!
Sūrah al Baqarah 2.187
"... They are as a garment for you, and you are as a garment form
them."
Sūrah al Nisa 4.19
"... And consort with your wives in a goodly manner, for if you
dislike them, it may well be that you dislike something which God might
yet make a source of abundant good."
Sūrah al Nisa 4.1
"O mankind! Be conscious of your Sustainer, who
has created you out of one living entity (nafs), and out of it created its
mate, and out of the two spread abroad a multitude of men and women. And
remain conscious of God, in whose name you demand your rights from one
another, and of these ties of kinship. Verily, God is ever watchful over
you!"
Sūrah
at Tawbāh 9.71
"And [as for] the believers, both men and women - they are friends
and protectors of one another: they [all] enjoin the doing of what is
right and forbid the doing of what is wrong, and are constant in prayer,
and render the purifying dues, and pay heed unto God and His apostle. It
is they upon whom God will bestow His Grace: verily, God is Almighty,
Wise."
Consider the verses that guide women
when they fear mistreatment from their husband.
Sūrah al Nisa 4.128
"And if a woman has reason to fear ill-treatment from her husband, or
that he might turn away from her, it shall not be wrong for the two to set
things peacefully to rights between themselves, for peace is best, and
selfishness is ever-present in human souls..."
Ahadith
This view is strengthened by the Prophet's
authentic hadith found in a number of authorities, including Bukhari and
Muslim, Abu Da'ud, Nasa'i, Ibn Majah, Ahmad bin Hanbal and others to the
effect that he forbade the beating of any woman:
"Could any of you beat your wife as he
would a slave, and then lie with her in the evening?"
"Never beat God's handmaidens."
"O People, it is true that you have certain rights
with regard to your women but they also have rights over you. Remember
that you have taken them as your wives only under Allah's trust and with
His permission. If they abide by your right, then to them belongs the
right to be fed and clothed in kindness. Do treat your women well and be
kind to them for they are your partners and committed helpers. And it is
your right that they do not make friends with anyone of whom you do not
approve, as well as never to be unchaste".
"Your wife has a right against you and your
children have a right against you. Give to everyone their rightful
claims".
AND
think for yourself!
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