|
submit
articles |
| Adab: The Courtesy of the
Path Kabir Helminski Adab is courtesy, respect and
appropriateness. Adab is not formality; it helps to create the context in
which we develop our humanness. Every situation and relationship has its
proper adab: between students on the path, in relation to family members
and elders, in relation to one's shaikh. Every level of being also has its
adab, including coming into the presence of Truth (Al-Haqq). The model of adab in the Sufi tradition is
the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessing upon him), who said: "None
of you will have authentic faith until your hearts are made right, nor
will your hearts be made right until your tongues be made right, nor will
your tongues be made right until your actions be made right." As one begins to become aware of the
benefits and possibilities of adab it becomes strikingly clear how much
has been lost in contemporary culture in the name of some hypothetical
personal freedom and individuality. When a dervish steps over the threshold
into a Sufi tekke, he leaves the "world" and its concerns
behind. The tekke is the school of love. We come here to observe, listen,
and learn, and to practice service -- not to pursue the ambitions of the
world, not to satisfy or promote our own egos, nor to consume exciting
"spiritual" experiences. It is vitally important to arrive at the
tekke in a state of ablution -- this can consist of taking a shower
shortly beforehand. It's good
to have a clean breath and body. One might even consider what one eats
before a gathering. If some have the fragrance of musk and roses, while
others smell of garlic and onions, the "atmosphere" suffers, so
to speak. Wearing modest, clean, and simple clothes is a sign of
self-respect. We are coming to a place and occasion of worship -- not to a
sporting event or a nightclub. It is important that we arrive at least a
little before the actual time of the meeting -- ten minutes early is
recommended. It is not necessary to give an obligatory hug to everyone you
see -- especially before the meeting when there may be little time. Once
the meeting has begun, our focus is on the process that has begun.
Latecomers should find a place to sit if there is room in the circle --
but without disturbance of anyone's meditation. At the end of dhikr, we
greet the people to our right and left by kissing their hands and giving
thanks. It is intended, however, for this to be a simple greeting -- not
an extended meditation. Anyone sponsoring a newcomer to the tekke
should first if possible introduce him or her to the host (meydanji-bashi),
who will assist the person further if necessary, and also to the shaikh
and his wife. The life of the tekke brings us into
relationship with people whom we might not choose to be with in the
everyday world, and yet slowly we come to understand that every
relationship is important and has been provided as an opportunity to know
ourselves and purify our hearts. This circle of lovers is learning to
manifest the reality of Oneness (tauheed), the reality of brotherhood/
sisterhood/real fellowship. We must treat each other not just as family,
but even better than most families treat each other. It may be that at the
tekke we learn how to treat our own family as they ought to be treated. We learn to observe, to control our
impulses when that is called for, and to lose our
"selves" when that is called for. We learn to behave as
if everyone else is of a higher station than ourselves. Our conversation
is centered on God and coming into harmony with God and each other. Gossip
and backbiting is one of the worst actions any seeker can indulge in --
not only the speaking of it, but the listening to it, as well. Backbiting
is defined as saying anything behind a person's back that would displease
them (whether it is true or not). Since we are attempting to bring our selves
into alignment with Reality, we will face many tests and it is inevitable
that there will be some interpersonal tensions from time to time. Adab
helps us to avoid some of the destructive behaviors that could disturb or
even destroy relationships in a sufi halqa (circle). A
special relationship exists between the dervish and his/her shaikh. The
respect and affection that develops results in consideration and
attentiveness to the shaikh especially during meetings. The shaikh is the
one who sets the tone of the circle and guides the discourse. Ideally, he
is like an empty center who responds to the innermost needs of the circle.
He perceives the spiritual winds, trims the sails, and sets the course of
the boat. You may not always agree with your shaikh.
Take what is useful or meaningful to you and put it in a bag in front of
you. Take what you do not agree with or do not understand and put it in
another bag behind you. It may be that one day, far from the dervish
circle and your shaikh you find in that bag something you really need. Our possibilities together on this path
would be served by increasing our awareness of some simplified aspects of
adab:
|