|
submit
articles |
Who is a Real Man? Excerpt from Being a Real Man in Islam Yahya Birt Imam al-Qushayri [22] (rahmatu’Llahi
‘alayh) summaries what the nature of positive masculinity is. In Arabic
this is called muru’a or manliness. Conceptually, manliness is closely
related to futuwwa or chivalry. Imam al-Qushayri says in his famous Risala,
“The root of chivalry is that the servant strive constantly for the sake
of others. Chivalry is that you do not see yourself as superior to others.
The one who has chivalry is the one who has no enemies. Chivalry is that
you be an enemy of your own soul for the sake of your Lord. Chivalry is
that you act justly without demanding justice for yourself. Chivalry is
[having]… beautiful character.” [23] The Noble Islamic Youth In Arabic, fata literally means a handsome
and brave youth. In the Chapter of the Prophets (60:21), the term fata is
used to describe Abraham (‘alayhi s-salam), who had, with characteristic
fearlessness, destroyed the idols of his people, and who was about to be
thrown into the fire by them. In his commentary on this verse, Imam al-Qushayri
(rahmatu’Llahi ‘alayh) says that the noble youth is one who breaks the
idol and moreover that the idol of each man is his blameworthy soul that
commands to evil (nafs al-amara bi al-su’). [24] Truly Allah Most High
only bestows the title fata to those whom He loves. Youth, in this sense,
is not a mere social category but a rank of piety. Following the use of the word in the Holy
Book, fata came to mean the ideal, noble and perfect man whose generosity
did not end until he had nothing left for himself. A man who would give
all that he had, including his life, for the sake of his friends. Futuwwa
has a distinct sense for it means the way of fata or noble manliness, and
the remainder of the essay concentrates on outlining these noble precepts. The way to attain these qualities, to
become a true man, is to kill the blameworthy soul, which can also be
called our selfish impulses, or ego. The first thing is to learn is not to
love the blameworthy soul, but instead to love others more than oneself
and to love our Exalted Creator most of all. It is only after struggling
to kill the ego that the trials of spiritual struggle, like those of our
father Abraham (‘alayhi s-salam) in the fire, become ‘refreshment and
peace’ (bardan wa salam). (21:69) The Chivalry of the Companions We find many examples of noble manliness
among the Companions: the loyalty of Abu Bakr, the justice of ‘Umar, the
reserve and modesty of ‘Uthman, and the bravery of ‘Ali (radiya’Llahu
‘anhum). Yet for all their greatness, those men still only partially
reflected that supreme example of true manliness, the Prophet (salla’Llahu
‘alayhi wa sallam). It was their life’s work to emulate him, like it
is ours today. As the first young man to embrace Islam, it was ‘Ali (radiya’Llahu
‘anhu), the last of the Rightly-Guided Caliphs, the cousin and
son-in-law of our noble Prophet (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and
the Lion of Allah, who came to represent the supreme example of youthful
manly perfection. Known for his selflessness, courage, generosity,
loyalty, wisdom and honour, he was the invincible warrior of his day. His
nobility on the battlefield shines forth like a bright lamp of guidance
for us today. In one battle, ‘Ali (radiya’Llahu
‘anhu) had overpowered an enemy warrior and had his dagger at the
man’s throat when the man spat in his face. Immediately Imam ‘Ali (radiya’Llahu
‘anhu) got up, sheathed his dagger, and told the man, “Taking your
life is unlawful to me. Go away.” The man was amazed, “O ‘Ali,” he
asked, “I was helpless, you were about to kill me, I insulted you and
you released me. Why?” “When you spat in my face,” our master ‘Ali
(radiya’Llahu ‘anhu) answered, “it aroused the anger of my ego. Had
I killed you then it would not have been for the sake of Allah, but for
the sake of my ego. I would have been a murderer. You are free to go.”
The enemy warrior was profoundly moved by this show of great nobility and
so he embraced Islam on the spot. In another of his battles against the
unfaithful, our master ‘Ali (radiya’Llahu ‘anhu) encountered a
handsome young warrior who moved to attack him. His heart was full of pity
and compassion for the misguided youth. He cried out, “O young man, do
you not know who I am? I am ‘Ali the invincible. No one can escape from
my sword. Go, and save yourself!” The young man continued toward him,
sword in hand. “Why do you wish to attack me? Why do you wish to die?”
‘Ali (radiya’Llahu ‘anhu) asked. The man answered, “I love a girl
who vowed she would be mine if I killed you.” “But what if you die?”
‘Ali (radiya’Llahu ‘anhu) asked again. “What is better than dying
for the one I love?” he countered. “At worst, would I not be relieved
of the agonies of love?” Hearing this response, ‘Ali (radiya’Llahu
‘anhu) dropped his sword, took off his helmet, and stretched out his
neck like a sacrificial lamb. Confronted by such nobility, the love in the
young man’s heart was transformed into love for the great ‘Ali (radiya’Llahu
‘anhu) and for the One Most Exalted Whom ‘Ali loved. The Code of Chivalry In later centuries, a code was drawn up
embodying the principles of futuwwa—brotherhood, loyalty, love and
honour—that produced a class of spiritual Muslim warriors who protected
the boundaries of the Islamic empire. The first caliph to create an order
of noble Muslim knights was al-Nasir al-Din (reigned 576-622/1180-1225).
They wore a distinctive uniform and were formally linked to the Sufi
orders. In Asia Minor for instance, these Muslim knights lived in
borderland lodges under the supervision and guidance of a spiritual guide
(shaykh al-tasawwuf). It is reported they were hospitable to travellers
and ruthless towards any unjust ruler who oppressed the people. The
essence of this noble code is timelessly pertinent to us today: it calls
us to subdue our egos and fight against injustice. The code of noble manliness elaborated by
the great Imam Sulami (rahmatu’Llahi ‘alayh) in his Kitab al-Futuwwa
is offered in a truncated form here. Readers are strongly advised to
consult the original work for themselves. [25] Futuwwa is that a young man
adheres to the following code:
Allah Most High says, “Surely they were
noble youths (fityan) who believed in their Lord, and We advanced them in
guidance.” (18:13) Imam al-Sulami (rahmatu’Llahi ‘alayh) comments,
“they were given abundant guidance and climbed to His proximity because
they believed in their Lord only for their Lord’s sake, and said, ‘Our
Lord is the Lord of Heaven and Earth. Never shall we call upon other than
Him.’” (18:14) The Imam continues, “Allah dressed them in His own
clothes, and He took them in His high protection and turned them in the
direction of His beauties and said, ‘And We turned them about to the
right and to the left’.” (18:18). The Imam concludes, “Those who
enter the path of futuwwa are under Allah’s direction and protection.”
[30] Khwaja ‘Abd Allah al-Ansari [31] (rahmatu
Llahi ‘alayh) outlines the three degrees of perfection in futuwwa in his
classic work, Manazil al-sa’irin (The Stations of the Wayfarers).
“Allah Most High says, ‘They are chivalrous youths who have faith in
their Lord, and We increased them in guidance.’ (18:13) The subtle point
in chivalry is that you witness nothing extra for yourself and you see
yourself as not having any rights. The first degree is to abandon
quarrelling, to overlook slips, and to forget wrongs. The second degree is
that you seek nearness to the one that goes far from you, honour the one
who wrongs you, and find excuses for the one who offends you. You do this
by being generous, not by holding yourself back, by letting go, not by
enduring patiently. The third degree is that in travelling the path you do
not depend upon any proofs, you do not stain your response [to Allah] with
[any thought of] recompense, and you do not stop at any designation in
your witnessing.” [32] May Allah, Glorified and Exalted is He, bless us,
and make us true men, men of nobility and generosity. The Way Forward There are no easy solutions, and it is
important to remember that Islam condemns those who feel it is enough to
recriminate, but not to call towards the truth or to work to change a bad
situation. The point is that we all have to pull together, and face up our
individual and collective responsibility. It is not just a question of the
youth seeing if they measure up to the ideals of positive masculinity, but
for all of us to strive to embody the example of the Prophet (salla’Llahu
‘alayhi wa sallam). It is a duty upon all parents and community leaders
to deal wisely with our young men when they fall from the Straight Path,
and not to cut them off out of self-righteous disdain or, even worse,
indifference. Imam Ghazali [33] (rahmatu Llahi ‘alayh)
reminds us that it was the way of Companions like Abu Darda’ [34] (radiya
Llahu ‘anhu) to forgive the mistakes and flaws of his brother. How much
more does this apply to our sons? All should feel that your son is my son.
The bond of religious brotherhood is like the bond of family. If someone
has made a mistake in his religion by committing an act of disobedience,
one must be gentle in counselling him towards repentance and starting
again. If someone persists in disobedience, Abu Darda’ (radiya Llahu
‘anhu) advised us not to cut him or her off. “For sometimes”, he
said, “your brother will be crooked and sometimes straight.” The great
saint Ibrahim al-Nakha’i [35] (rahmatu Llahi ‘alayh) said, “Beware
of the mistake of the learned. Do not cut him off, but await his return
[that is, to the straight path].” Imam al-Ghazali (rahmatu Llahi ‘alayh)
argues that this advice holds even the major sins: we need not cut someone
off. It was revealed to the Prophet (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam)
concerning his kinsfolk that “if they disobey you, say, ‘I am quit of
what you do’.” (26.216) Abu Darda (radiya Llahu ‘anhu) referred to
this verse when he was asked, “Do you not hate your brother when he has
done such and such?” to which he replied, “I only hate what he has
done, otherwise he is my brother.” [36] It is not proper to break with
the disobedient, but to try and remind them of their duty to Allah Most
High and to His creatures. So any pragmatic measures should be
undertaken in this spirit of understanding and patience, because at the
heart of any solution is building trust between alienated youths and the
community. It is easy enough to make these seven suggestions, but it will
take a lot of sincere effort make them a reality by the permission of the
All Merciful.
with permission from |
