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Negative Masculinity Negative masculinity occurs when a youth
misuses his natural qualities of enthusiasm, strength and bravery to
satisfy his own desires. He becomes selfish, ignores the rights of others
and ends up disobedient to his Lord. He thinks it is cool to follow the
lifestyles of the street, and at the rough end this means getting involved
in crime. What is even worse, as one young brother said to me recently, is
that as corrupt lifestyles become widespread among Muslim youth, it is
becomes harder for younger teenagers to see the straight path. There has
been a real break down in moral values: besides drugs and crime, drinking
and pre-marital sex are no longer taboo among the wildest elements. The
negative role models closest to hand now come from within our own
community. Negative masculinity is about showing off,
about trying to be ‘hard’, and about using physical strength to
humiliate others. The fake man thinks strength should be used to dominate
others so that he gets ‘nuff respect’ from his peers and enemies out
of a sense of fear. But this is not how true respect is earned: it is
really about acting like a loud-mouthed and proud fool. The youthful bully
fights to remain leader of his ‘posse’ and, likewise, strives to
dominate other street gangs: both perversions are achieved by instilling
fear. Yet Islam teaches us that the strong should defend the weak not
oppress them. Negative masculinity is about the obsession
to have the right ‘look’: the designer clothes, the most up-to-date
mobile phone, the latest trainers, and the flashiest car. But how we
appear to others is absolutely immaterial: Allah, who is perfectly Just
and All Aware, will judge us by our hearts not our appearance on the Day
of Reckoning. Pretending to be someone we are not is only a sign of
spiritual emptiness. All this street gear costs a great deal of money:
cash that is wasted when it could be used to help the weak and
unfortunate. The Muslim community is the poorest in the country, and it
can ill afford to waste money on such vain extravagance. Such
materialistic excess is showing off for the sake of worldly honour, when
the world, in the eyes of our beloved Prophet (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa
sallam) was worth less than the rotting flesh of a dead goat. [19] But a
real man doesn’t need to show off. He knows himself and remains humble
and thankful to Allah Most Generous for whatever qualities He has given
him. Negative masculinity is about wasting time
and playing around like a child when the corrupted youth already has the
strength and intelligence of an adult. He looks out for himself first,
neither respecting the wishes of his parents nor serving them, and
ignoring the needs of others around him. Many of the criminalised gangs
rob and prey on the weakest members of their own community. Instead of
being the pride of the community, these lost young men have become its
badge of shame. Negative masculinity is about being a slave
to desire. The signs of this slavery are the impulse for instant
gratification and the immediate feeling of frustration and anger when
desire is not quickly satiated. Servitude to caprice entraps the slave in
a cage of restless discontent. Why? Because if we want the latest fashion,
one thing can be sure, it will go out of date. Negative masculinity is
about being a slave to the capitalist system. The real winners are the
moneymen who sell an illusion: the falsehood that people should judge
themselves, and judge others, by appearance. But the Prophet (salla’Llahu
‘alayhi wa sallam) taught us to be simple, not to pile up worldly
things, but to do good deeds and help others. The only style that truly
counts, that rises far above the fickle dictates of fashion, is the way of
the Prophet (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam). In short, the problem of negative masculinity is a spiritual one. Abu Talib al-Makki [20] (rahmatu’Llahi ‘alayh), in his classic work, Qut al-qulub (The Sustenance of Hearts), explains the nature of the soul that commands a person to do evil. “All the [blameworthy] character traits and attributes of the soul derive from two roots: inconstancy (taysh) and covetousness (sharah). Its inconstancy derives from its ignorance, and its covetousness from its eager desire (hirs). In its inconstancy the soul is like a ball on a smooth slope, because of its nature and its situation, it never stops moving. In its eager desire the soul is like a moth that throws itself on the flame of a lamp. It is not satisfied with a small amount of light without throwing itself on the source of the light that holds its destruction. Because of its inconstancy the soul is hurried and lacks self-restraint (sabr). Self-restraint is an attribute of our thinking selves, while inconstancy is the quality…of the [blameworthy] soul. Nothing can overcome inconstancy except self-restraint, for intellect uproots vain and destructive desire. Because of its covetousness, the soul is greedy and eagerly desirous. […] When someone knows the roots of the [blameworthy] soul and its innate dispositions, he will know that he has no power over it without the seeking the help of its Creator and Originator. The servant will not realise his humanity until he governs the animal motivations within himself through knowledge and justice.” [21] Excerpt from: Being a Real Man in Islam
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