| Healthy
Love |
Unhealthy
or Toxic Love |
| |
|
| Development
of self first. |
Obsession
with relationship. |
| Room to
grow, expand; desire for other to grow. |
Security,
comfort in sameness; intensity of need seen as proof of love (may
really be fear, insecurity, loneliness) |
| Separate
interests; other friends; maintain other meaningful relationships. |
Total
involvement; limited social life; neglect old friends, interests. |
| Encouragement
of each other's expanding; secure in own worth. |
Preoccupation
with other's behavior; fear of other changing. |
| Appropriate
Trust (i.e. trusting partner to behave according to fundamental
nature.) |
Jealousy;
possessiveness; fear of competition; protects "supply." |
| Compromise,
negotiation or taking turns at leading. Problem solving together. |
Power
plays for control; blaming; passive or aggressive manipulation. |
| Embracing
of each other's individuality. |
Trying
to change other to own image. |
| Relationship
deals with all aspects of reality. |
Relationship
is based on delusion and avoidance of the unpleasant. |
| Self-care
by both partners; emotional state not dependent on other's mood. |
Expectation
that one partner will fix and rescue the other. |
| Loving
detachment (healthy concern about partner, while letting go.) |
Fusion
(being obsessed with each other's problems and feelings.) |
| Sex is
free choice growing out of caring & friendship. |
Pressure
around sex due to insecurity, fear & need for immediate
gratification. |
| Ability
to enjoy being alone. |
Unable
to endure separation; clinging. |
| Cycle
of comfort and contentment. |
Cycle
of pain and despair. |
| |
|
