|
submit
articles |
| Domestic Violence: Islamic
Perspective Uzma Mazhar © 2002 The Family Violence Prevention Fund describes abuse as "a pattern of purposeful behaviors, directed at achieving compliance from or control over, the victim." When these behaviors escalate to violence,
creating "domestic violence," the definition becomes, "a
pattern of assaultive and coercive behaviors, including physical, sexual,
and psychological attacks, as well as economic coercion that adults or
adolescents use against their intimate partner." Domestic Violence includes mental,
emotional, verbal, sexual or physical abuse such as constant demeaning and
humiliating remarks, threats, slapping, kicking, hitting, choking,
destroying property, economic deprivation, forced sexual activity,
isolation and starvation. The nature of abuse is that it is
progressive; it gets from bad to worse if you do not put a stop to it.
Emotional and verbal abuse shifts into overt threats and physical
abuse. Abuse is often a family pattern that repeats through generations. Abusers and victims witnessed these patterns in their family of origin; they learned these behaviors and styles of relating with others through the example set for them. Children living in homes where a mother is abused are more likely to be abused themselves. These children grow up to become abusers or victims of abuse... they learn these patterns of abuse from their parents. Just like charity begins at home, abuse also starts at home. Islâmic Perspective: To examine the issue of Domestic Violence
from the Islamic perspective, we need to look at what Islam teaches about
zulm (cruelty) and ádl (justice). We know that Islâm condemns violence in
every form... be it at the personal, social or national level.
'Zulm'... the all-encompassing term used for abuse or cruelty in
the Qur’ân is best translated as 'putting asunder anything from its
natural state.' This
includes causing harm and misuse, eg: misusing or abusing the natural
elements in the environment; wastage of any kind, be it water, food or
wealth. The Quran is clear on the importance it gives to respecting
human life, relationships, property, and the environment.
There are numerous verses that warn us against causing harm,
creating an environment of oppression and aggression; and cautions us
against being harsh, cruel or unjust. The concept of ‘zulm’ then
includes all forms of domestic violence and abuse. Islâm demands that Muslims exercise
justice in every aspect of life, above and beyond anyone we may hold dear
to us; so much so, that we have been enjoined to: "O ye who believe!
Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as
against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, whether it is (against)
rich or poor, for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of
your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort or decline to do
justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." Keeping these concepts in mind, Muslims
cannot afford to close their eyes and avoid addressing an issue that goes
against Islâm in every way you look at it. According to a survey of 63 Muslim
community workers, leaders, and individuals done in 1993 by the North
American Council for Muslim Women, domestic violence (including everything
from hitting to incest) against Muslim women and children occurred in ten
percent of the population of Muslims. If verbal and psychological abuse
were added to this, the figure would rise considerably. Not only are these statistics disgustingly
high, but what is worse is that we are not openly and aggressively
addressing this problem. We
have no organized program to take care of the abused women and children,
nor do we have a program to rehabilitate the abusers.
Digging our head deeper in the sand will not make the problem go
away. Instead it will
mushroom and become the inheritance of the next generation. Abused Women & Children Rather than offering protection and help to
battered women, most imams and community leaders, who are not trained in
handling this complex problem, often advise women to return to their
violent homes and be "better wives" by "trying harder to
please their husband"... implying that the women are somehow
responsible for the abuse, that if they really were "good" they
would not get abused. Nothing can be further from the truth.
Hence abused women often end up feeling abandoned by their own
family, friends & community. Our attitude should be such that the abused
woman feels supported and helped. There
is no excuse for putting a victim in a situation where she is
uncomfortable and ashamed to reach out for help. Sűrah ad Doha
93.10 When working with abused women, it is not a
very smart idea to tell the woman to be patient, she has used up all her
patience before she came to you for help, don’t add insult to injury. Do not tell the wife that she has to obey her husband;
violence has nothing to do with her disobedience.
Do not tell the wife to return home and to try working out the
problem with her husband in the privacy of her home... Know for a fact
that she has already tried that and it did not work.
Sending battered women back to their abusive husbands is extremely
dangerous. In most cases the abuse escalates and becomes more violent.
Protect the victim, NOT the abuser.
Instead recognize and respect her courage.
She is within the bounds of her rights to seek help and to protect
herself and her children from violence. Know for a fact that the children are also
being abused. Everyone that
works with children is mandated by law to report all abuse cases to the
Division of Family Services. DFS phone # 1-800-392-3738 Abusive Men In working with abusers do not accept his
excuses or his blaming the victim. Abusers always lie and manipulate,
presenting themselves as reasonable men.
HOLD ABUSERS ACCOUNTABLE. Do
not buy into their lies and manipulations.
Promises to change are part of the cycle of violence. Unless these
promises are accompanied by concrete actions, the promises are
meaningless. He must accept responsibility for his actions, and then, if
he is serious about changing, he will seek help. Do not take the abuser's
word that the violence has stopped. Check
with the victim in privacy, not in front of the abuser. “But indeed if any do help and defend
themselves after a wrong (done) to them, against such there is no cause of
blame. The blame is only against those who oppress by wrongdoing and
insolently transgress beyond bounds through the land, defying right and
justice: for such there will be a penalty grievous.” In a situation where there is active,
ongoing abuse, marital counseling is dangerous and harmful, until it is
clear that the violence has stopped. In abusive relationships counseling
couples together often increases the episodes and intensity of violence.
To work with them together before the violence has stopped, only serves to
endanger the victim. Both
have to work individually before any work can be done as a couple. Taking Action To address this issue we must work at two
levels: education and action. Addressing
one without the other will not be effective nor will it have a lasting
effect. 1. Education: Education should involve correcting
misconceptions, incorrect and misconstrued beliefs, as well as learning
how domestic violence impacts the individual, family and community. The
focus at this stage is recognizing the damage abuse causes and at
correcting oneself. Our first step should be in being very
clear in the stance that domestic violence is unacceptable. This must be
our first priority. VIOLENCE
MUST STOP! VIOLENCE IS NOT ACCEPTABLE.
This message should be loud and clear. To achieve this goal we need
to have seminars and workshops. The imams need to address the issue of
domestic violence in the ‘khutba’.
Silence implies condoning abuse. 2. Action: a. Hotline and Shelter Therefore, it is extremely important that
we have a shelter for the women and children.
Since we do not have a shelter for abused families at this time, we
may need to make temporary arrangements with local abuse shelters, and
develop a safe-family system to provide protection to the women and
children. b. Rehabilitating the Abuser Abusive men need to be rehabilitated. They need to learn how to deal with their anger in appropriate and acceptable ways. Generally this is a resistive and difficult group to treat and the success rate is low, since they can get away with abuse they do not have the incentive to change their ways. Only under pressure from the community, constant monitoring and intense treatment is there any possibility of rehabilitation. Narrated Anas bin Malik: Domestic Violence is NOT a ‘women’s
issue’… men must take an active, visible and responsible role in
addressing this issue. It is
a community issue. Abused
women need the support of loving, caring, gentle men; and the abusive men
need to be shown how to respect women and to become real men.
Children from abused homes also need to be around caring and
compassionate men. Being
around caring men and women starts the process of healing. We need to implement these plans, and need
the help of the community to be actively involved.
The nature of this issue is such that we need volunteers who are
willing to go through a training program, can be available consistently
and for fairly large amounts of time.
If you are willing to make this commitment, please fill out the
social services volunteer form. If WE (the community) minimize, disregard and ignore the abuse occurring in our community, if we do not help the victim and the abuser, then we are condoning abuse, we are supporting abuse, and we will be held accountable for our passivity and lack of action. Uzma Mazhar © 2002 UzmaMazhar@hotmail.com |