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Confessions of an Abuser WARNING: The following narrative contains
information which is extremely disturbing. The language used has not been
changed and may be objectionable to some peoples sensibilities. However
this was necessary in order to get across the violence of the words. Do not read this if you are prone to anxiety attacks or have a nervous disposition. This man's identity is unknown to us. He
approached us on his own and we met him at a place of his choice. He
appeared to be a well-educated person and is in his late twenties. In a
three-hour discussion he spoke about the self which he hides from his
world and spoke about his motives to sexually abuse children.
"I have been experiencing this thing since I was a child. My mother was a working lady. She used to leave me alone at home. My father used to beat me. I was a neglected child. I wanted to embrace someone, wanted to feel the human touch. I started playing with the neighbour's kids right from my early childhood. Whenever I embraced them I got pleasure. Then I started wrestling with them, touching their bodies, caressing them and then seducing them. In school, whenever I saw sissy looking boys, I tried my hands on them. Then the kids started avoiding me, and my attention changed to females. I used to buy some sweets, eatables or books and used them as bait to satisfy my appetite. In the case of girls, I especially wanted to know where their penis was. I used to insert my fingers and that made them cry. At first I became fearful but from then onwards I get pleasure out of making people cry. Another tool of exploitation I invented was the doctor-patient games. I felt charmed to see naked bodies of males and females. Anything soft and warm inspired me and in case of kids, their ass was the softest part. The first time when I had sex, it was with my cousin. At first I used to rub my penis on the soft parts of her body and the curve of the ass. Then she told me how to actually do it. I was caught a number of times and hated the element of fear and humiliation. After frequent thrashings from my parents, I realised that it was wrong. So, I decided to quit it but I was never able to do it, as it was the only activity that gave me solace. Now, after all these years, I don't see anything wrong with what I have done or am doing. Besides, it is the only pleasure of my life. I can't live without it. The only thing important for me is my self. I am a self-preserving person. I always go for clean kids who are very normal school going kids. I prefer hygiene so there is no chance of contracting sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Most of the times I get a thrill out of taking risks, and having sex with the children is a big risk but one that is worth taking. If someone comes to know of it, I'll be ostracized from the society. Therefore, I have erected a smoke screen to satisfy my motives. I have a dual personality. My family thinks of me as good. I believe in religion, family and mortality, but I rate sex with children as superior to all, because it's my basic instinct. At first, I used to feel that I was doing something wrong. But, when I saw a maulvi having sex with a child, I got religious sanction. Now, I don't feel guilty. And, why should I feel guilty in the first place? I have seen a lot of abused kids becoming successful members of the society. Some of the student leaders have been my preys. I have never been given the attention so now I give f......s to the society. It's not revenge but habitual obsession. Gay relationships and homosexuality doesn't fascinate me. I don't go for adults because they don't have the innocence of kids and mostly are messy. Some of the clean-shaven men in the age group of 20-25 years attract me but I don't go for them because I'm scared of them. I can't give them my baits. I derive pleasures out of having sex with children. Females don't fascinate me that much. Their vaginas are open and they don't cry. I want to make it painful for the other person and for that kids are best. For this I look for children in the age group of 8-12 years with fair complexion and soft fatty bodies. But, if the girl's age is between 14-16 years, I'll have confusion. I might go either way. However, I particularly like sissy virgin boys, having tight anal orifices. Their tightness gives me pleasure. A woman cannot 'squeeze me' but a young boy can do it with my command. Even masturbation cannot give me that kind of pleasure because the process is devoid of screams and blood. The innocence of the crying child coupled with bleeding gives me ultimate satisfaction. Such experiences make me proud of myself. I feel like a conqueror. It gives me a great boost and makes me feel more like a man. I feel as if I've defeated all the pervertedness of my childhood. If a child revolts, it gives me more pleasure. I simply don't like silent passive partners. The greatest pleasure is to see the other person crying. It gives the real sense of power and achievement. At one stage, having sex with children had become the main focus of my entire mental activity. I used to seduce young kids who were suffering from an inferiority complex, and were ignored by their parents, or by playing with their imaginations, curiosity, and fantasy or by bribing them with toys, sweets or by simply exploiting their emotional pervertedness. And, if my prey didn't take any of the above baits, then I used the most primitive way, that is, force and that is the most thrilling way of doing it. The most difficult thing in this thrilling game is to stop the child from passing the information to some adult, because after the consummation of my passion I get so relaxed and carefree that it becomes very difficult. I am enjoying a very respectable position in society, and day to day my financial position is improving. With this status, I am becoming difficult to catch. I always had the fear of being caught, but now things are becoming so easy with my experience that this fear has vanished even from my subconscious. Since, the last two years, there is a steady increase in my preys. The influence of media makes the children curious about their sexuality and not finding answers from anywhere, they come to uncles like me for getting clarifications about their unresolved ambiguities. And, I resolve their ambiguities by f.....ing their ass. However, if somebody else does something like this to my son it will be like doing it with my own body and soul and I can't tolerate pain to my own body and soul. I would kill that bastard!
with permission from: Sahil |
