| Muslim Husband - Non-Muslim
Wife
Question:
I am married to a Muslim. I was raised Catholic. I have read
extensively on Islam and find great beauty and truth in what I read.
I do have problems with segregations of the sexes (not with adultry
which I believe is very wrong or with pre-marital sex which I believe is
not a wise way to find happiness.) I do Ramadan, never have alcohol in our
home but do enjoy a very occasional drink with my family or friends.
My husband can be very badgering and bullying regarding my spiritual live.
He often tells me that I don't really believe, calls non muslims
"you people" says music, dance, theatre is wrong (but watches
hours of television).
Am I not allowed to remain a Christian. Does it say in the Koran
that Muslims are allowed to marry people of the book but then they must
convert or act exactly like muslims and totally disregard their culture
and religion. Must my children, even if I agree that they will be
brought up as muslims not be allowed to go to ballet class or become
musicians or actors etc. Do the children have to brought up as
Muslims or can they choose can I teach them about both religions. I
feel that I bend over backward to understand my husband's culture and
Islam. I am truly grateful for the insights my studying has brought me and
expect for the dour, bossy attitude (I am sorry to say I encounter with my
husband and almost every Muslim I have met) I may have converted already.
I feel that my marriage has been destroyed because of religion.
Yours xxx
PS My husband doesn't mind cheating the tax system, stealing things from
work, drinking himself sometimes but denying it.
PPS He also finds it a great sin to any affection to me or even
acknowledge my existance in front of his friends or family. Holding
hands with me in public or even giving me a peck on the cheek in the
privacy of our car if he is dropping me off somewhere is a great wrong in
his interpretation of Islam.
Christine
Response:
Hello xxx
To be extremely blunt... your husband is not unlike many muslims who talk
about Islam and criticize others, but never bother to take a deep look at
themselves. They can talk highly about Islam (often a distorted
understanding of it), but can't seem to walk the Islamic walk. This
is a sad fact about muslims.
Marrying a non-muslim and then criticizing her faith is absolutely
un-Islamic, this is not allowed at all. Non-muslim wives are to be
allowed to follow their religion without any harassment or creating any
difficulties for them. He does not seem to know anything about
Islam's teaching about respecting all religions. Worse still is that
he does not see that it is his own actions that are pushing you away from
Islam.
Human nature is weak, and it is easier to criticize others than to take an
honest look at our selves. You have mentioned very good examples of
double standards, and it takes a mature and fair-minded person to
recognize such things. If we could be objective about ourselves, we
would not have the gall to ridicule or criticize anyone.
My personal opinion is that it is lack of knowledge about the depth of
Islam that makes people so rigid, judgmental and blind. Usually such
people are suffering from an identity crisis... they are unable to
integrate Islam in their lives and are struggling with it... creating this
crisis of what they view as unIslamic... but can't seem to resist it
either.
Raising your children as muslims is his responsibility, and children are
very sharp in picking up inconsistencies.
There is no prohibition in spouses showing affection to each other, in
public (within the bounds of modesty) or private.
Follow what your heart/mind guides you to do with honesty and integrity.
Regards
Uzma Mazhar
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