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| Husband Having Affairs
Question: i've contemplated suicide but i worry for my kids. my husband thinks that because he has started back reading the Koran everything is okay. he goes around telling people that "we" are not on the same level because i won't pray with him. I have never been a person of the world and frequented church much before marriage. i have read the Koran from beginning to end and i wonder about alot of things. I didn't know that if i stayed with him during his affair that i was committing a sin. am i being punished for this. i didn't know only suspected and i didn't accuse him he came to me and admitted it. The Koran also states that we should be slow to anger and quick to appolgize. I have been like this all my like and I feel like he takes advantage of me because of it. he has even admitted it. I've been in the house with this man since he admitted his errors. It\'s been really hard and I know I could not have made it without the grace of Allah. I pray constantly but not always with the rakats? that the books I have show. Am I not a muslim because of this? I've seen religious people pray and be blessed and they did not wash and have fancy clothes and rugs. My grandmother prayed all the time just on her knees and nothing fancy was added. She was a good person to everyone and feed everyone and gave them clothes even if they were ours. I don\'t understand the sterness of my husbands attitude. He now listens to sites on the internet that I found for him. The kids and I also listen but what worries me is that he is like stating to me that I am wrong and he is right. I\'ve gone thru so much and I often feel that it is a curse on me from birth. I don\'t want to split up my house, my children from their father but I don\'t know how much more I can take. He has driven me crazy. I can\'t sleep. I don\'t have peace of mind. All I do is cry most of the time. Hardly every to be consoled by him. He says that what was in the past was the past and that I should be alright now. Am I not alright because Allah does not want me in this situation anymore and because I am staying this is my punishment? please help. You don\'t have to answer all the guestions if time does not allow. Thank you for being here. It\'s been a really bad day and I have no one else to express myself to. Answer: Unfortunately, everyone who claims to be "Muslim" does not actually practice Islam, and the behavior of your husband contradicts almost every tenet of marriage according to the Qu'ran. His "sermons" to you about your lack of religion may actually be an attempt to deflect his attention from his own shortcomings. I did, however, notice that you mentioned that your marriage predates his involvement with Islam, so you would know better whether this negative pattern of behavior is a recent or chronic phenomenon. If it is recent, then you can possibly identify some recent causes; but if it is chronic, then you may be dealing with a more fundamental problem. The implications of this decision is whether you are willing to continue in this marriage if you determine that his behavior is chronic and will probably continue in the future. It sounds like the point of crisis has already been reached since you are now suffering continuous affairs and even "rationing food" for your children. You may want to consult with some possible supporters (especially family members) who may give you some resources in case you consider an alternative that entails temporary or permanent separation from your husband. Talk of separation is painful and problematic (especially when it involves children), but you and your children's mental, emotional, and physical well being should be a top priority that is not damaged by your husband's misdeeds. Jaleel Abdul-Adil PhD |