| Career
Choice: Power Struggle with Parents
Question:
Asslam-o-Aleikum
I'm a 19 years old pakistani boy and studying in Denmark. I live with my
family... and within some months I have to choose what education I want.
My burning desire was to become pilot in Pakistan Air Force, but because
of my parents didn't want me to become it, I let this dream pass away. Now
I've to choose what I want to study on the University.
My wish is to do Master in Engineering Science (buildings), and then try
to build or make things which people can take advantage of even when I'm
dead...so I can get "sawab" (according to a hadith)even when I'm
dead.
But the problem is that my parents wants me to become a doctor, even when
I'm not interested in the branch. They force me to become a doctor, and
they argue it with telling me that "you can help poor people and get
"sawab".
But doctor is not my interests, so what I want to know is "What
should I do?". Listen to my parents and do something I don't like
rest of my life or go for my own interest. I want to know whether it's is
disobience of parents, if I don't listen to them in this case. please help
me. My dad blame me for doing disobience, if I don't listen and then he
says I can live on my own. According to him is my only choice medicine and
nothing else if I want to study.
Please give me some information or firm proofs so I can either convince me
or my dad, and if possible some "hadith" which show who is right
and wrong in this case.
Personally I mean, It's my life and I will be the responsible for what I
do, so why are they forcing me to do something I dont want to.
If anyone can help me...please help me.
Thanx in advance...
Wasalaam.
Response:
Wa
Aleikum Salam
I don't know of any hadith or Qurânic ayah that directly says don't force
your children against their will. ;-) But we have to
understand the Qurân in the larger context. Allah Ta'ala does not
allow us to force anyone to do anything against their will. Forcing
anyone is oppression and that is zulm and that is forbidden. Allah
Ta'ala says that there is no compulsion in religion, religion means way of
life, so it applies to all aspects of life.
The Prophet (saw) was told that he was not the guardian of the people, he
could not force them to obey, his 'job' was to convey the message... so if
he was not allowed to force people in any way, how can parent's be allowed
to force their children? Parents may guide their children but they
cannot force them to obey. Of course respecting parents is
important, trying to fulfill their wishes is also important but taking
this issue to the point of forcing is not the right way either.
If you read the story of Abraham (as) he went against the religion of his
parents, so nowhere does it say that children have to totally conform to
their parent's wishes, against their own inner sense of what is right for
them.
Furthermore, parents are not allowed to threaten children to obey them or
refuse supporting them, as children are not their property to control.
This is because Allah Ta'ala mandates that we maintain individual freedom
& respect. No human being owns another human being.
Hope this helps.
Regards,
Uzma Mazhar
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