| CHILDREN AND LYING
Honesty and dishonesty are learned in the home.
Parents are concerned when they hear their child or adolescent lying
about something minor.
Young children (ages 4-5) often make up stories and
tell tall tales. This is normal activity because they enjoy
hearing stories and making up stories for fun. Young children blur the
distinction between reality and fantasy... they have a vivid
imagination.
An older child or adolescent may tell a lie to be
self-serving (e.g. avoid doing something or deny responsibility for
their actions).
Some adolescents discover that lying may be considered acceptable in
certain situations such as not telling the truth because they don't want
to hurt the feelings of those they love. Some may lie to protect
their privacy or to help them feel psychologically separate and
independent from their parents, especially when they know they might get
in trouble. Parents should respond to isolated instances of lying
by talking with the youngster about the importance of truthfulness,
honesty and trust
Lying that may indicate emotional problems:
Some children, who know the difference between
truthfulness and lying, tell elaborate stories which appear
believable. Children or adolescents usually relate these stories
with enthusiasm because they receive a lot of attention as they tell the
lie. Sometimes they tell lies to boost their ego, to appear better
than their peers or to avoid feeling ashamed.
Children or adolescents, who otherwise seem
responsible, fall into a pattern of repetitive lying. They feel that
lying is the easiest way to deal with the demands of parents, teachers
and friends. These children are usually not trying to be bad or
malicious but the repetitive pattern of lying can become automatic and
habitual, such that they may not be able to recognize the difference...
they might start believing their own lies..
There are also some children and adolescents who are
not bothered by lying or taking advantage of others. Some adolescents
may use lying to cover up other serious problems.
Parents are the most important role models for their
children. When a child or adolescent lies, parents should take some time
to have a serious talk and discuss
the difference between make believe and reality, lying and the
importance of telling the truth, the importance of honesty at home and
in the community, and alternatives to lying.
Parents also need to evaluate the environment they are
creating for the child... children learn what they see at home...
are parents telling lies?
are the parents setting up the child to lie?
You can't expect the child to be honest and truthful
if you are setting the example by lying to your children, or asking them
to lie for you.
Are you being unreasonable and rigid when the child is
honest in admitting that they did something wrong... thus discouraging
them from trusting and relying on you. Do you listen to them?
If
a child or adolescent develops a pattern of lying which is serious and
repetitive, then professional help may be indicated. Evaluation by a
child and adolescent psychiatrist would help the child and parents
understand the lying behavior and would also provide recommendations for
the future.
Information
provided by:
American Academy of Child/Adolescent Psychiatry
http://www.aacap.org
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