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| Challenges Facing Muslim Families
in North America Wahida Chishti Valiante The challenges and moral dilemmas facing
Muslim families requires an understanding of the shifts in ideological,
social, religious and political forces that are shaping the structure and
function of families in North America. Families are not static or
monolithic; each family is unique, yet it is a 'microcosm' of the society
at large and is reflective of religious, social and political values. The
challenge facing the Muslim family is to not only maintain its Islamic
identity, but to initiate change in the social and political spheres in
light of the principles of the noble Qur'an. To achieve these goals requires active
participation of Muslims in the political, social, economic and religious
aspects of society. Failing this, Muslims will either be segregated or
assimilated. Both processes are undesirable since they lead to the loss of
self-identity, which is built on religious and social values acquired from
one's family and strengthened through constant interaction with the larger
society. Over the past three decades, the North
American society has undergone a rapid social, political and religious
transformation, resulting in high divorce rates, separation, single parent
families and common-law relationships. There are same sex couples,
childless couples, and increasing numbers of women are choosing to work
outside the house. These changes are reflected in the
parameters of the society's functioning on the psychological and emotional
planes. The 'Rate of depression has been doubling in some industrial
countries roughly every ten years. Suicide is the third most common cause
of death among young adults in North America, after car wrecks and
homicides. Fifteen percent of Americans have had a clinical anxiety
disorder. And, pathological, even murderous alienation is a hallmark of
our time,' reported Time magazine on August 28, 1995 (p.38). The paucity of research on the health of
Muslim families makes it difficult to provide specific statistical
evidence. However data collected from different sources including this
writer's personal practice as a family counselor over the last 18 years,
indicates that Muslim families are also experiencing social and personal
problems like the rest of the North American society. There is marked
increase in divorce rates, separation, domestic violence, child abuse,
elder abuse, intergenerational conflict, and teenage pregnancies. The tendency among young married couples is
to opt for separation and divorce, rather than work through differences
and disagreements when there is tension or conflict in marriage. Barring
violence or psychological abuse in the family, seeking solutions through
negotiations is the Islamic norm. Marriage requires collaboration,
commitment, and above all a sense of responsibility towards oneself, one's
partner, family, and the society. In addition, a significant number of young
Muslims are marrying outside the community. One of the major hurdles for
young Muslims to find someone to marry from within the diverse Muslim
community is the question of ethnicity and culture. Cultural and racial
diversity instead of being a positive factor, as the Qur'an tells us
(49:13), is becoming a dividing factor, since every Muslim group wants to
preserve its own ethnic and culture purity. This limits the pool of
young-- male and female-- to chose from. Also, increasing numbers of young Muslim
parents, both the father and the mother, are choosing to work outside the
house, primarily for economic reasons, and are relegating the care and
nurturing of their children to daycare centers and elderly parents. Both
arrangements are inherently insufficient because daycare by its very
nature lacks individualized emotional, spiritual, and intellectual care
the child needs. Also, the social environment of daycare is predisposed to
producing conformity through the process of socialization and leaves very
little room for developing an independent religious or social identity. Although more equipped to provide
emotional, spiritual and nurturing environment, grandparents, too, lack
the physical vigor to cope with the demands of growing children. In
numerous instances, language is also a barrier putting both under undue
stress. The above social trends in Muslim families
point to various degrees of assimilation, or adaptation to existing
societal values. This has serious implications for the future of the
Muslim family. In Islam, family is central to creating a stable society
and ultimately civilization itself. Therefore, if family as a social
system fails to provide sound religious and social values for the total
physical and psychological growth of a human being, then society will
suffer greatly as is evident from the malaise afflicting western society. North America has made much progress in
science, technology, psychology, medicine, human sciences, as well as in
the standard of living. It insists its social, political, and economic
values are the only viable option to achieve human equality, financial
prosperity, and peace and justice. Yet it finds it exceedingly difficult
to provide its own citizens the peace of mind and a healthy social
environment in which parents can raise their children without the fear of
random violence in schools, homes or in the streets. According to social scientists, the
American society is becoming increasingly violent, aggressive, self
destructive, narcissistic and uncaring towards those who are less
fortunate, including members of the immediate family. The Qur'an, which Allah says was revealed
to the Prophet, upon whom be peace 'in order that you might lead mankind
out of the depth of darkness into light,' (15:1), provides numerous
examples of what happens to nations, peoples and individuals who exceed
the limits prescribed by Allah. 'Have they not traveled in the earth and
seen how evil was the end of those who were before them? And they were
stronger than they in power' (35:34). The recent sexual scandal of US president
Bill Clinton is reflective of the moral decay of the American society, yet
like Clinton, America is arrogant, consumed by its power and glory. It has
unleashed misery and despair in many parts of the world through its
policies. Muslims make up a sizable minority in North America so the
question is: should they not be concerned about the state of the family
and society, and the rest of humanity; or they feel they have no
responsibility beyond themselves? Malek Bennabi in his book, Islam in History
and Society, says that corruption and colonization of people can only take
place when human beings are in a state of moral and psychological decay.
'Moral paralysis results in intellectual paralysis: when one ceases to
perfect oneself morally, one also ceases to modify the conditions of one's
life and is reinforced by moral, social and political paralysis.' Unfortunately, Muslims in North America and
the Ummah in general seem to fit Bennabi's description, since their apathy
and inactivity indicates that they may be suffering from political, social
and moral paralyses. It is easy to blame others for the present
predicament of Muslims worldwide, but to hold others responsible for ones
own weaknesses and shortcomings contradicts the Qur'anic injunction of
personal responsibility. 'God does not change the condition of a people
until they change that which is in their souls' (13:11). If Muslim families are to survive the
current social and structural changes in North America, they must actively
initiate social changes in the society in which they live. Humanity is
told that as a vicegerent of Allah (2:30), it is under moral obligation to
reform its own thinking and behavior in order to create a just and morally
balanced self and society (3:110). The challenge in the next millennium for
Muslim families is not from the external environment; it is from within.
Islam has a lot to offer to the ongoing debate on the future and status of
the family. The practical implications of the answers found in the Qur'an
for those who advocate stability of the family and society are immense. Wahida Chishti Valiante is a
psychotherapist, specializing in Family Counseling. She has made numerous
presentations on treatment of families from an Islamic perspective to
academic institutions and professionals both in Canada and the US. Source: Muslimedia: March 1-15, 1999 |