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| Building The Muslim Family Imam Mohamed Baianonie When we look at the situation of the
Muslims today, we can find many problems that affect their family life.
This situation is a very dangerous problem that may lead to destruction of
the Muslim family. The dangerous results of that destruction
will not only affect the spouses, but will affect the whole family and the
community in general. This could mean the destruction of society and the
failure to transmit Islam to the next generation. And we can attribute this problem to many
causes. These are the most important: First: Ignorance of many Muslims of what
the Muslim family should be according to the Islamic Laws. Second: The influence of desires, selfishness, and un-Islamic customs and traditions over the behaviors of the members of the family. Third: Many Muslims don’t care and
don’t take this issue seriously until they reach to the point of
divorce, or close to it. Imam Al-Ghazali, was a specialist in
treatment of bad conducts, and he came to a conclusion, after long
research and experience, that the treatment of all misbehavior among the
people will not come only by wishes, but by the use of medicine formed
from two ingredients. The first one is knowledge and the second is the
implementation of that knowledge. If either of these two are missing, this
problem will not be cured. He also added that because the taste of most
medicines is sour, the people don’t use it. Or if they use it, they will
not complete the dosage. And who does not have enough patience to use the
sour medicine, he will not reach the sweetness of the cure. Today, we will start learning about the
family in Islam: Family is a small unit that consists of the
husband and the wife, along with any children they may have. The husband
and the wife are the fundamental unit of the family, and they play an
important part in building, organizing and taking care of the family from
the beginning to the end. The society is made up of groups of
families. So the families are the units of which the society consists. If
these units are healthy and strong, the society will be healthy and
strong. If these units are sick and weak, the society will be sick and
weak. From this we can understand the great
interest and concern that Islam has in the family. That interest is
genuine, unlike that which is represented by people running for office.
During the voting seasons they use slogans and raise banners in political
campaigns about the family for their own benefit. But later, when it is
time to put that family issue into reality, all this interest is gone. We
know many examples of this practice today. The interest of Islam in the family is evident in the meticulous, comprehensive, system that runs the affairs of the family. This system starts even before the family is established through marriage, and continues after marriage. It clarifies all the diving rules and guidelines that clearly map out the rights, duties, and responsibilities of every individual in the family (parents and children). When we say that the rules and guidelines are divine, we should understand the following: 1- The source is the divine revelation:
Qur'an and the authentic Sunnah of the Prophet Mohammed (S.A.W.). Submitting to these rules and guidelines is obligatory without any hesitation even if they contradict with people's desires, minds or customs and traditions. Not submitting to these rules and
regulations and not implementing them is haram or forbidden. This
rejection of Allah's laws, even part of them, leads to misguidance,
sorrow, hardship in this life, and regret, loss and punishment on the Day
of Judgment. Allah (S.W.T.) says in Surat Ta’ha, (Verses 124-126), what
can be translated as, "But whosoever turns away from My Reminder (the
Qur’an) verily, for him is a life of hardship, and We shall raise him up
blind on the Day of Resurrection. He will say: "O my Lord! Why have
you raised me up blind, while I had sight before." Allah will say:
" Like this Our Ayat (verses) came unto you but you disregarded them,
and so this day, you will be neglected (from Allah’s Mercy.)" I will try to present briefly the system of
the family in Islam so that it will remind us and teach us how to correct
our mistakes in our family life. So that our families will be Islamic
ones, that please Allah, and we will be happy and successful in this life,
and in the Hereafter. Islam made the family one unit in the chain
of units. This family relationship is self-collaborating, mutually
coordinating, loving and merciful. These relationships do not know
selfishness, oppression or hard feelings. It does not know arrogance,
showing off, carelessness or aloofness, nor oppression, physical or
emotional. This view of Islam for the family is coming
from the fundamental concepts that Qur'an presented for the family: First: Qur'an puts in the mind of the
spouses, the understand that the male and female are necessary for each
other, and that they complement each other in their very existence. So it
says to the man: The woman is a vital part of you, and one cannot live
without a vital part. It also says to the woman: You came from a man, and
he is your origin, and you cannot go on without your origin. The Qur'an
says, in Surat Al-A`raf, (Verse 189), what can be translated as, "It
is He Who has created you from a single person (Adam), and then He has
created from him his wife (Eve). Second: The Qur'an clarifies that the
normal marital life is a life of unity between the spouses. Even though
they are two entities, they are in reality one unit in everything; in
emotions, feelings, and sleeping place. And they are unified when working
for the present and when working for their hope of the future. Allah (S.W.T.)
describes the nature of the marital life, in Surat Al-Baqarah, (Verse
187), what can be translated as, "They are Libas (clothes) (i.e. body
cover, or screen or sakan), for you, and you are the same from them." Imam Al-Qurtubi says, in interpreting these
words: Wearing is established with clothing, and mingling of two spouses
with each other is called clothing because they join together and mingle
with each other and stick by each other just like clothes on the body. Third: Qur'an emphasizes that this special unity between the spouses is one of the great signs of Allah (S.W.T.) and a blessing from his great blessings. Allah (S.W.T.) says in Surat Ar-room, (Verse 21), what can be translated as, "And among His signs is this, that He created for you wives from yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect." Imam Ash-Shawkaani, in interpreting this verse, clarifies the nature of this special relationship between the two spouses. He says, "…that you may find rest in them…" means to feel comfortable with and be attracted to. One cannot feel comfortable but with the other and does not get attracted to anyone but to the other. "…And He has put between you mawadah and rahmah." means deep love and mercy because of marriage so that one will feel sympathetic with the other without any previous knowing of each other, or love or mercy between you; indeed a great sign from Allah! Building The Muslim Family,
2 Last Friday, The Imam mentioned that Islam
has devised a meticulous, comprehensive system for the family. This system
encompasses the periods before marriage, and after; and the period of
raising and taking care of the family. This Islamic system also treats and
corrects any problem that may rise. Today, we will talk about how this system
works in the period before the family is established. We have to be aware
of the importance of this issue because the right beginning of the process
of marriage is a good sign of success and tranquillity in the marriage.
And any wrong beginning will be the first step in making a weak marriage
or a marriage that fails completely. At that point, the treatment is
difficult, sometimes impossible. Eventually after much hardship,
difficulties, and obstacles the marriage ends with divorce, and badly
affect the spouses with bad effects for the children, the family and the
community. First, Islam has motivated us to get
married in a number of verses and in the authentic Sunnah of the prophet (S.A.W.);
that include his sayings, and actions. We shall present some of them: The holy Qur'an mentions that marriage is
from the Sunnah way of the messengers who were chosen by Allah (S.W.T.) to
be the best example. Allah (S.W.T.) says in Surat Al-raad, (Verse 38),
what can be translated as, "And indeed We sent Messengers before you
(O’ Mohammad), and made for them wives and offspring. The prophet
Mohammed (S.A.W.) was not different; he also had wives and offspring. The holy Qur'an compliments those servants of Allah (S.W.T.) and [described them that they supplicate to their Lord saying in Surat Al-Furquan, (Verse 74), what can be translated as, "And those who say: "Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes." Then Allah (S.W.T.) says about them in the next verse, what can be translated as, "Those will be rewarded with the highest place (in Paradise) because of their patience. Therein they shall be met with greetings and the word of peace and respect." Allah (S.W.T.) shows us his blessings and
grace when He says, in Surat Al-Nahl, (Verse 72), what can be translated
as, "And Allah has given you wives of your own kind, and has given
you, from your wives, sons and grandsons…" Allah (S.W.T.) encourages us to marry. He says, in Surat Al-Nisa, (Verse 3), what can be translated as, "…Marry women of your choice, two or three, or four." Imam Bukhari and Muslim reported that the Prophet (S.A.W.) said, "Oh you, young men, if you are capable of getting married, then get married for it helps lower your gaze and protect your private part, and whosoever can not (get married), then let him fast, because it is a protection for him" The prophet (S.A.W.) said in another Hadith, "Marriage is a tradition of mine, so whosoever turns away from my tradition, he does not belong to me." Allah (S.W.T.) orders us to marry the single; males and females. He (S.W.T.) says, in Surat Al-Noor, (Verse 32), what can be translated as, "And marry those among you who are single and also marry the Salihun (pious, fit and capable ones) of your male slaves and maid-servants." Then he warns us not to make poverty and the shortage of money a hindrance in the way of marriage and that Allah (S.W.T.) alone is the one who guarantees and provides sustenance (Rizq). He says in the same verse, "If they are poor, Allah will enrich them out of His Bounty. And Allah is All-Sufficient for His creatures’ need, All-Knowing." The Prophet (S.A.W.) strongly condemns the
one who keeps away from marriage to increase his worship for Allah. Imam
Bukhari and Muslim reported that the Prophet (S.A.W.) said, "I am the
most fearful of Allah and the most righteous, but I fast and break fast, I
pray and sleep, and I marry the women, so whosoever turns away from my
Sunnah, he does not belong to me." The Prophet (S.A.W.) emphasizes that the best joy of this life is the good wife. Imam Muslim reports that the Prophet (S.A.W.) said, "This life is but a joy, and the best of its joys is the pious woman." The Prophet (S.A.W.) orders us to get
married and clarifies that the noblest goal of marriage is having
children. He said, "Get married and multiply (have children), because
I will be proud of you, in front of other nations on the Day of
Judgment." Imam Ahmad Bin Hanbal, may Allah have mercy
on him, said, "Being single is not from Islam. The Prophet (S.A.W.)
got married to fourteen women, and had nine wives when he died." Then
Imam Ahmad said, "If people abandoned marriage, they would not
conquer and would not make Hajj; the Prophet (S.A.W.) used to wake up in
the morning and the people would have nothing at home, meaning really
poor. He used to encourage marriage, and forbade being single, so
whosoever turns away from the acts (Sunnah) of the Prophet (S.A.W.), he is
not on the truth. And the Prophet (S.A.W.) said, "I liked, from this
life of yours, good perfume and women." Second, Islam has defined the area of
choice when it comes to marriage: The Muslim woman is not allowed to marry a non-Muslim under any circumstance; regardless whether he is from the people of the Book or not. The scholars of Islam unanimously agree on this. Whoever says otherwise, is either ignorant or changing our Deen. The scholars of Islam support their opinion with what Allah (S.W.T.) says in Surat Al-Muntahina, (Verse 10), what can be translated as, "O you who believe! When believing women come to you as emigrants, examine them. Allah knows best as to their faith. Then if you know them from true believers, do not send them back to the disbelievers, they are not lawful (wives) for the disbelievers nor are the disbelievers lawful (husbands) for them." The Muslim man is allowed to choose from
Muslim women and women who are from the People of the Book because Allah (S.W.T.)
says in Surat Al-Maida, (Verse 6), what can be translated as, "Made
lawful to you this day are At-Tayyibat, The food of the people of the
Scripture (Jews and Christian) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to
them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and
chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians)
before your time, when you have given their due Mahr (Dowry), desiring
chastity, not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as
girlfriends." There is a great wisdom behind allowing Muslim men to marry women from the people of the Book, and that is giving them Da'wah to Islam and giving them the opportunity to study Islam closely, so that they will know its principles and its reality through the family life. So whosoever wants to marry such women, he should not forget this great wisdom and he should work hard to be a good role model of Islam. Without a doubt, marrying a Muslim woman is better than marrying a woman from the people of the Book for Allah says in Surat Al-Baqarah, (Verse 221), what can be translated as, "…And indeed a slave woman who believes is better than a free Mushrikah (disbeliever), even though she pleases you." Choosing a wife from the Muslim women should be based on the good Deen and good morals. Imam Bukhari, Muslim, and others reported that the Prophet (S.A.W.) said, "The woman is sought for marriage because of four reasons: her wealth, her noble family, her beauty and her Deen. Marry the one who has a good Deen; you will succeed." The Prophet (S.A.W.) describes to us the best woman to marry. He said in an authentic Hadith reported by Imam An-nisa’ and others, "The best woman is the one that if you look at, you will be pleased, and the one that if you order her, she will obey, and the one that if you swear on her she will accept it, and the one that if you are away from her, she would keep herself for you and keep her eye on your possessions (money, car, etc.)" Imam At-Tirmithi reports in an authentic hadith that the prophet (S.A.W.) gave an order to the guardians of the women, "If one whose Deen and morals are what you like, and he requested to marry the one under your guardianship, then accept him; otherwise, there will be a big fitnah trial and a great mischief." Both good deen and good manners are needed. It is not enough to have only one because the marital life does not settle except with both of them. And if someone underestimates and ignores the importance of these two issues, his marital life will be hardship, torture, and will often end with divorce. May Allah protect us from that.
(Friday speech delivered by Imam Mohamed Baianonie in the Islamic Center of Raleigh, NC on May 1 & 8, 1998) All the contents of this Website are
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