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| Building a Child's Self
Esteem Mildred M. El-Amin "O ye people! Worship your guardian
Lord, Who created you and those before you that ye may become
righteous." Quran 2:21 Children frequently express feelings of not
being liked by other children and not being able to do things before
making an attempt. What are some ways to encourage self-confidence in
children? Children who are morally and spiritually
conscience develop a sense of their own self-worth. Helping our children
develop healthy self-esteem is one of the most important things that
parents can do for them; it is the foundation of their faith and
commitment to Allah. Children need to be assured that they are a special
gift from Allah and they are to dedicate their talents and resources to
Thy service--this gives them value, purpose and direction for life.
Through every phase of a child's development, they need provisions for
moral and spiritual enrichment that encourages them to truly reverence
Allah and to thus value the beauty in themselves. "We have indeed created man in the
best of molds." (Quran 95:4) There is no fault in Allah's creation;
to man, Allah gave the purest and best nature. Our duty is to preserve,
and nurture the distinctive character that Allah has created. Healthy feelings about oneself or high
self-esteem is best started in the home, and this needs to be cultivated
in our children from birth. Thankfulness for who Allah has made us to be
is based primarily on how our parents or guardians view us. Children
mirror others' perception of them; they measure themselves by the
standards set by those shaping their lives. A child needs our
unconditional love. While we may show disapproval of wrong actions, the
child still needs to feel cherished. We are guided: "...truly no one
despairs of Allah's soothing Mercy, except those who have no faith."
(Quran 12:87) Our unconditional compassion for our children will promote
and encourage their faith in Allah and instill the thinking that "I
am lovable, I am confident." Persons with healthy self-esteem are more
capable of making decisions; they exhibit thankfulness for their
accomplishments, are willing to take responsibility, and are better able
to cope with stressful situations. They meet and feel enthusiastic about
challenges. Often a student with a high IQ and low self-esteem will do
poorly in school, while a child with average ability and high self-esteem
will excel. The thinking that is cultivated in a person in the early years
affects his entire life. 1. Show kids how to communicate their
feelings, openly and honestly. Children need to know that even anger and
fear are to be appropriately expressed rather than bottled up. Because
children learn by example, parents must let their feelings be known. 2. Listening--truly listening to children
is a second key to developing good self-esteem. Having parents listen not
only enhances children's good feeling about themselves, it also teaches
them to be caring. 3. Teach how to get along with others
through negotiation and compromise. 4. Establish fair, consistent discipline. 5. Give children responsibilities -- tasks
that are meaningful and 'do-able' and that they can be accountable. 6. Permit children to make decisions. Even
an occasional wrong one helps them learn good judgment. 7. Keep a sense of humor is important. It
can work wonders and helps children keep perspective on what is important. 8. Treat children lovingly, with respect
and courtesy, helps children learn that they are beautiful and worthwhile
people. Parents, treat them the way you yourself want to be treated. Excerpt from: Family Roots: The Quranic View of Family Life, by Mildred M. El-Amin, 1991, pp. 116-118, 220. |