Anger
Jean Beck RN; ACNP
How does a parent distinguish between children's normal fits of anger
and anger that warrants concern?
Anger is healthy, appropriate and essential to balance self-worth. All children have episodes of out of control anger or fits of
temper that is normal. So how does a parent distinguish between normal fits of
anger and anger that warrants concern? Each child must be individually
understood for their special circumstances that may be contributing to their anger. If you find your child displays a number of these
characteristics of out of control anger over an extended period to time, or you are exhausted with the child’s response to your parenting, you
may wish to consult resources for help. These may include resources from the school, your pediatrician, counseling, child/adolescent
psychiatrist, assessment centers or local programs to help children. Do not be afraid to ask, help is available and can be very supportive for
the whole family.
The following are parental guidelines about recognizing anger that is excessive, out of control and may need further professional evaluation.
Young Children (1-6)
1. Excessively rough play, where others avoid the child out of fear.
Overly aggressive.
2. Impulsive, spontaneous rages or fits to the point they are out of control, and it is hard to calm the child down. These have occurred over
an extended period of time where the whole family is exhausted and beginning to become out of control also.
3. Excessively destructive to property, toys or anything of value.
4. Cruel to animals or people. Will hit, burn, and is verbally mean.
5. Hurts themselves by head banging, pinching, pulling hair or any form of self-abuse.
6. Often out of control, unpredictable, can’t take them out to the store
or restaurant. You become hurt trying to contain them when they are out of control.
7. Set fires on purpose, overly fascinated with fires, matches. Children do experiment with fire and matches but this is when fire-playing
becomes a dangerous, continued activity after parents have attempted to set boundaries of safe play and the child will not stop.
Pre-Adolescent/Adolescent (7-18)
1. Fights or hurts others excessively, assaulting others.
2. Hits others or property, punches holes in the wall, destroys property, slams doors excessively.
3. Refuses rules or boundaries, will walk out, do as they please, comment “You can’t make me”.
4. Constantly testing rules and boundaries where everyone is exhausted.
5. Provokes others to set up an excuse to vent anger.
6. Verbally cruel, demeaning to others.
7. Defiant of any authority such as parents, teachers, principals, or the police.
8. Dangerous, reckless, risk-taking behaviors such as driving too fast or reckless on numerous occasions. Children do test the car’s ability on
occasion but this recklessness even has their peers worried.
9. Intrudes on others space or territory, intimidates, makes others feel afraid like they have to walk on eggshells, makes others afraid to say
what they feel for fear of setting the person off.
10. Takes pleasure and glee in the pain they have triggered in others, thinks it is funny, minimizes the hurt to others.
11. Steals, feels entitled to something that is not his if he can get away with it.
12. Looks for excessive power and control of others.
Jean
Beck is an Advanced Clinical Nurse Practitioner with expertise in
working with psychiatric disorders in children and adolescents.
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