first step toward change

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First Step Toward Change
Uzma Mazhar

The first step toward change starts with developing an awareness of what we want to change. Without this awareness we can't change. So the first step is to identify the behaviors you want to change, see how these behaviors create problems for you and also recognize why changing or eliminating that behavior is important for your well being.

It is human nature that we want to see our selves in the most positive light. We want to see the good in us, and we tend to overlook or minimize our shortcomings or weaknesses. This tendency is the root of our problems. If I continue to avoid looking at my weaknesses how will I improve myself? If I don't want to see how my own actions are creating my problems, how can I change the outcome? If I keep repeating the same behavior over and over again, is it possible for the result to be different? Of course not.

Therefore, if I want to change and grow, a realistic and honest evaluation is the starting point. To begin this self-evaluation process requires honesty and courage.. a willingness to look at our self in an objective manner and with truthfulness. Without this honesty we cannot make much progress. Denial and Avoidance are defense mechanisms we use that keep us from seeing our own reality.

From the Islamic perspective... denial of truth is hypocrisy. This tendency always starts with our own self. Hypocrisy with myself will create hypocrisy with others. How can I be truthful with others if I am unable to be truthful with myself? This behavior can range from something small.. like being late for social get-togethers to the larger aspects of faith.

A good exercise to find out about areas that you need to change in is:
Ask a close friend or family member to tell you of a problem area that they see in you that creates problems. Examine it together. Find examples in your life when this behavior has created difficulties for you or others around you. Think about it for a week. Write about it. Try to see it from all angles.

This is not an easy process, it is painful, it hurts to see our own shortcomings. You will need courage and patience with yourself. Also remember that while examining your self you need to be gentle and compassionate.. getting angry and upset, beating yourself will only create unhealthy guilt which does not lead to change.

Become aware of this behavior at all times. Observe yourself. Make a commitment with your self to eliminate that behavior.