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| Black & White Thinking Uzma Mazhar B&W thinking is one of the cognitive
distortions that create many problems for people.
This type of thinking is also known as Dichotomous, Polarized,
All-or-Nothing or Black-&-White Thinking. This type of
thinking tends to be rigid and extreme, everything is either right or
wrong, with no possibility of any gray areas in between. A child's intellect is not developed so he
thinks in very simple B&W terms; he is not capable of discernment, for
a child that is the only way to be. Children
do not have the ability to comprehend complex concepts, they can barely
distinguish between two opposing concepts, ie: right or wrong, things that
are allowed or not allowed by my parents. To a young child you may say: ‘Don’t
put your feet on the sofa’… that is B&W, simple and
straightforward. As the child grows he starts understanding the exceptions to
that rule, ie: the gray area, e.g.: ‘I can put my feet on the sofa when
they are clean, but not when my feet are muddy.’
His ability to discern the subtle differences between concepts
increases with age and training. In healthy homes and with mature parenting
a child will naturally grow out of this B&W thinking.
He will start learning the finer subtleties of how to incorporate
different factors into a rule. This
is why rules for children change as they grow, parents give them more room
to think for themselves. In
effect the parents thus teach their children how to implement rules in
their daily life. However, in dysfunctional homes the child
does not get the opportunity to grow past this phase and becomes fixated
at that level, matters are made worse by volatile and impulsive parenting. Rigid and age-inappropriate rules and double standards in the
home will also confuse the child. When
parents make exceptions for themselves but expect the child to follow the
rules it confuses and angers the child.
‘Do as I say not as I do’ causes confusion for a child. As an adult the same B&W thinking
creates problems and its rigidity becomes a limitation.
In adults B&W thinking manifests as extremism, it is judgmental
and impatient... and it does not allow for others mistakes to be
overlooked. It comes from
feeling helpless and a loss of control.
Blame and shame are the driving factors.
And it results in pure drama and immature temper tantrums.
It is dysfunctional because it takes one incident and makes a
mountain out of a molehill. The
belief that there is only one right way to do everything becomes a control
struggle in relationships. I have heard many Muslims claim that the Qur’ân is black and white. I don’t agree with this assessment. The Qur’ân is NOT black and white... the rules and laws are very clear but the Qur’ân is not B&W. There are many exceptions to the rules with consideration given to particular situations and conditions. (Note: Before anyone jumps down my throat
:-) I am not implying that if the rule is to fast during the month of Ramadan
we change it to the month of July.) The Qur’ân is B&W only in the area
where belief in Allah is concerned... ie: belief in one God without
associating any partners to Him. And
God does tell us that the right thing to do is to be honest, just, fair,
humble, patient, etc. The
difference is how these are implemented in our daily interactions.
The laws are not implemented in a B&W manner, e.g.: prayers,
fasting, etc. in those Allah has made exceptions for situations when a
person is incapable of following those laws... otherwise we wouldn't have
permitted ‘qada’ (make-up) prayers or fasts.
Nor would He have taught us ways to expiate the wrongs we commit. The Qur’ân is very loving and forgiving.
Allah has not forced anything on anyone. The message of the Qur’ân is to be of the middle path. The most striking feature is that along with every punishment for every crime it says... 'But forgiving is better'... most people seem to miss out this most important injunction and take the Qur’ân to be B&W. The fact that Allah is not looking for perfection and is forgiving at every turn makes Him not B&W. To understand this we also need to look at
how Rasûl Allah (saw) implemented those laws.
His manner of implementation was to take into consideration each
person's situation and keeping the extenuating circumstances in mind. Whenever he could he forgave the erring person and overlooked
his shortcoming, he would turn away so as not to punish them.
He did not judge people and deemed them not good enough, nor did he
discard them because they were not perfect. Rasûl Allah's (saw) way of dealing with people was in the gray area, and his ahâdîth tell us to:
These are all ways of living from the gray areas. And these are beliefs from the Qur’ân as his way was to take direction from the Qur’ân. Hadith: ‘Your today must be better than
yesterday, or else you have deteriorated’. Another most important aspect of Islam that
mullahs never seem to emphasize is that it is an evolving process of
growth... our faith grows with our efforts, just because one does the
rituals it does not mean one has achieved faith.
Islam is about continual growth, change and evolution on our
part... that mean hard work and commitment.
And all of that happens because of Allah being so loving and
forgiving. He overlooks our mistakes at every turn.
AND that is how He expects us to treat humanity.
If we want Him to be loving, merciful and forgiving toward us we
need to develop these qualities in ourselves. One of the ways to develop this quality of gray thinking is learning to look at as many possibilities that affect a situation. Reading the 99 Attributes of Allah and using them as developmental tools for our own growth is also very helpful. If I am harsh and critical of others I can read Yâ Haleem to develop gentleness, if I am impatient then Yâ Saboor is useful. To do this exercise we need to know our own weakness and then find the appropriate Name for guidance and help.
© 2005 UzmaMazhar@hotmail.com |