Domestic Violence

Himani Naresh

When reading about issues such as domestic violence it is most common to be first struck with a FBI statistic: every fifteen seconds, an act of adult domestic violence occurs. But when one searches through literature and periodicals, a reliable statistic exemplifying the domestic violence situation in South Asian families is difficult to find. There are those who will say that this is of no consequence. And yet, the mere lack of such a statistic in any South Asian or otherwise publication, implies that domestic violence is a problem that is being widely overlooked and heavily under-rated.

Domestic violence is certainly an issue that transgresses over boundaries of race, religion, class, and sexual orientation with each group having cultural factors and limitations of its own. The cultural limitations of women of South Asian origin are rooted deep into centuries of submissiveness, passiveness, and denial.  Despite living in a land and an era of liberation, there are those men who claim to hold "power and control" in a relationship and women who are reluctant, afraid, or slow in fighting them. Sujata Warrier, Director of the Domestic Violence Program for the State of New York (an executive officer of the Governor), points out that despite common myth, violence in the home may not always include physical abuse. There are also forms of sexual, economic, emotional, and psychological abuse all of which are the hardest to prove due to the lack of concrete evidence.

In the past few decades, there has been a dramatic rise in the Asian population here in the US consisting of many of whom who prefer to go back to their native lands in search of spouses.  Women often leave their homes in India, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Nepal, and Bangladesh to board a plane to become wives of men they hardly know. For some, the life ahead becomes full of abuse.

Immigrant women constitute a large portion of those who are battered.  The immigration experience leads to complete and natural culture shock where a woman is left dependent on her husband.  Some lack a clear functioning knowledge of the English language; others lack the means to be self-sufficient; and many have left their families and friends behind to feel isolated among a land of strangers.  It takes any abused woman a great deal of self convincing, courage, and time before she is able to seek help.  For immigrant women who are unaware of their surroundings and the resources available to them, it may take much longer.

A large factor in a woman's silence is her fear of the immigration laws.  Due to the recent signing of the Welfare, the Anti-Terrorism, and the Anti-Immigration Acts, the rights of an immigrant woman have been decreased.  Thus, there are currently no laws designed to help the battered woman who is married to a non-US citizen or a non-permanent resident. Divorce may be an impediment to gaining citizenship.  An abuser may threaten a woman by claiming that if she tries to seek help or a divorce, she will be immediately deported back home.  The anti-terrorism act prevents a deported women from stepping onto US soil again.

Similarly, having a recent immigrant husband has also been a traumatizing experience for some long term residents of the US.  There have been a wide number of cases in which husbands marry for the sole purpose of being sponsored for a green card with future prospects of permanent residency.  After all necessary documentation is obtained, an immigrant man can lead his wife into a life of abuse.

Aside from the immediate immigrant experience, there is definitely the existence of batterment in the long settled families of US citizens.  Abuse can be found in all types of families, those with two working parents, the New York taxi driver's families, the Long Island doctor and his wife, or the families with the woman being the breadwinner.

In general, first generation immigrants have a harder time coming forth and seeking help, whereas latter generations are more likely to be admitting of their situation. The agents that steer a South Asian woman into silence are those that are self and community manifested. The greatest issue to face and overcome in all such situations is denial. There are tendencies to come up with excuses, explanations, and different names for the violent act. The batterer can be extremely convincing in shifting responsibility for the act from himself to the victim. There is also a sense of shame, concern for family reputation and the spouse's job status, and feeling of betrayal to the family.  Children are probably the largest decision making factor when contemplating help.  Divorce, is still a social taboo in the South Asian community that is unthinkable for many women.  Often a woman believes that if she chooses to leave her husband, she will not be accepted anywhere else.  Without a credit history, education, or work experience, few doors may be open to her.  There have been reported cases of women who have left abusive relationships to return to their native homes only to find their families non-welcoming and unsupportive.  Warrier points out that leaving a relationship can at times be the most dangerous step a woman can take. Batterers may become obsessive stalkers.  Extreme situations can lead to suicide or murder.  Every year approximately 1500 women die in the US as a result of domestic violence (70% die after leaving the relationship).  1500 is roughly the same number of reported deaths that occur each year in India.

There are definitely a number of resources available to those women struggling through violent situations who's primary concern is dealing with a woman's safety and helping her control her own life.  In the last decade or so, a number of support organizations have sprung up which are customized to the South Asian.  It is found that understanding and sensitivity to cultural issues is sometimes lacking when trying to help those who are trying to survive through abuse.  Many women who are already reluctant to seek help may be even further hindered by those who appear to be completely different than themselves. Thus, it is understandable that many women prefer to go those organizations that can speak their language, understand their problems and sympathize better with their situation and limitations.  Warrier, who also counsels, verifies that non-ethnic organizations are used far less frequently by South Asian women than are ethnic organizations.

There have been two general types of organizations dealing with offering women help.  One is the temple and cultural organization that is there to preserve the ties of the family.  The second type is the feminist organization committed to women empowerment and liberation.

The temple organizations are support groups that are designed to reinforce cultural values. These local groups are there to be comfort zones for a woman where she can discuss household issues.  They are organizations to preserve the family structure and the marriage bond and make things work out.  These religious and cultural centers are effective in reaching women because of there ideally noticeable and accessible locations.  It is definitely important to have more such places where women can turn to.

Feminists organizations have arisen to more offensively lead the fight for abused and exploited South Asian women both in the home and in the work place.  The first such organization, Manavi, was founded by six New Jersey women.  Since its inception ten years ago, approximately twenty such organizations have sprouted throughout the US and Canada.  A small network has been created between Sakhi in New York, Apna Ghar in Chicago, Asha in Maryland, and others.  Such organizations provide legal help, shelter, support, counseling, and most importantly are there to listen.  They are not long term therapeutic organizations but are there to serve as information resources, guides, and supporters.  Aside from aiding as immediate healing and recovery agents, their common goal is to also make women's issues more visible in the South Asian community as well as in the national forum.  With publicity campaigns, issue forums, and occasional conferences such as the 1993 South Asian Women Immigrant Conference held at Columbia University these organizations hope to gain public support and recognition.  Despite restrictions such as limited funds and space, sections of community opposition, and the inescapable shortage of full-time man power (or rather woman power), these organizations have made tremendous strides in the woman's struggle.  As they become more established, they will hopefully become further valued by the community and trusted by each woman.

There is a saying that man's worst enemy is man himself.  To continue, it can be said that a woman's worst enemy is often a woman herself.  Sadly, enough, a wife can suffer through a beating, a threat, or a rape while a mother-in-law looks the other way, a sister-in-law smiles, a mother doesn't accept her daughter, or a friend chooses to ignore.  If domestic violence is ever to be combated, women must be each other's supporters firsts.  Only with a united front, will our voices be loud enough and our message and our demands be heard.

The writers would like to thank Anita Sinha and Ms. Sujata Warrier.

This article is from the following site:  http://www.columbia.edu/cu/zamana/sangam/fall96/Silence.html

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