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| Islamic Sex Education?
Sex in our society, Sex in Islam and the
hypocrisy of our society! Sex - a topic with the most polarized
attitude known in our society!! With
all the presumption and the cultural aspects accredited to it, all the
more desperate and urgent is the need to initiate a communication
regarding this vacuum in our minds, in our conduct and in our society is
not only Why does this attitude prevail in our
society? Thanks to our religion? NO! Thanks to our cultural upbringing,
ignorance and the hypocritical attitude of our society, which allows sex
everywhere, which condones sex as "student life kae mashghaley"
(part of growing up, in the sense of first experiences)- the most pathetic
excuse I ever heard. It accepts marrying off their daughters to those very
students, but will run amok if a girl speaks of
"hush…. that disease", called AIDS! No, I am not
exaggerating, I hardly could believe my ears, when a literature graduate
mother, of educated background, hushed her then medical student daughter
into silence while we were discussing about HIV and AIDS, telling her not
to mention this disease without any inhibitions, blurting out its name. Sex is hushed and curtained off to the
bedroom and speaking about it is a sin, accredits a loose character and
well, I could go on echoing all those remarks, prevailing even in our
Muslim society- be it Pakistan, the middle East or the sisters
(I guess the brothers aren't any better) and gatherings in the
western hemisphere, to which I have been, regretfully but in not avoidable
situations, witness. Grown up in the west, being educated in the
normal public schools and experiencing the era when sex education was
introduced in the curriculum of German schools, I could follow the
conservative attitude of our society, but what shattered my respect for
our society was the hypocrisy as pointed out above.
In the West I knew what people thought, you knew who is sexually
active or at least you knew how they think of it and thus also protect
yourself in some way from it. Boys knew I wouldn't date, so I wasn't
asked. Period. In the Muslims countries, you can't guarantee and know
where the person would have been around, the very person you may end up
marrying through a proposal "with good and respected family
background and bright future" I would have loved to see the faces of
people, if a girl would have asked him to get his HIV test done before
saying yes, let alone his attitude towards family planning or
contraceptives! Can we endorse this hypocrisy as a
society? I can't accept this ignorance and
hypocrisy, neither as a Muslim nor as a responsible citizen of any
society, be it ANYWHERE in the world!! I thus pondered over this hypocrisy
and found many answers, which collectively I would title as
"ignorance and uneasiness of expression with respect to our
sexuality, blindly following cultures and traditions, instead challenging
it through education, as Muslim in the days of Muhammad (S) used to
do". They used to come up to him and ask and discuss issues
pertaining to sexuality; shyness is indeed a virtue of a Muslim- male or
female, but not in matters of knowledge or deen/concept of life (Islam).
Any person, yes in fact even child who reads the Qur'an and understand it,
will come across the teaching pertaining to reproduction, creation
(32:7-9)), menstruation (2:222), family life, sexual positions (2:223) and
even ejaculation (86:6)(75:38) along with the moral and the social ethics
in the light of Islam. This is the basics of Islamic Sex education:
treating it as a blessing form the Almighty, a gift to human nature, a
source of peace and tranquillity, as well as hasana in the light of high
social and moral ethics. Sex is not a "dirty word", as per
our cultural concepts; it is a gift of God to mankind. Islam provides a
legal frame to enjoy this blessing from God, which is NOT only for
procreation. The sexual urge should be enjoyed as His blessing, but within
a commitment. Contrary to some religions and philosophies, Islam doesn't
degrade Sex to the status of " lust of flesh, thus sinful, which the
soul has to conquer." In fact exercised within the appropriate frame,
it is not only a source of emotional satisfaction and enjoyment, thence
peace, but also a source of hasana is promised in return. In this very light, we Muslims should
emancipate ourselves in the light of the open minded and very modern
concept of life Islam, abrogating all those cultural and traditional
influences, which only turn the wheel backwards. Sex education should start at home or in
the frame of Islamic Sunday/Friday Schools, wherever the possibility is
given. It should however be actively supported through the participation
and support, as well as objective answering to the questions, through
parents and elder siblings. In the Islamic Schools Muslim teachers, pref.
Physicians should come forward and fill this vacuum. What should be
taught? Anatomical and physiological aspects, table of puberty, along with
the physical changes, need for family life, sexual drive, menstruation and
pre-menstrual syndrome, conception and development of the child/fetus,
contraception and then also the STD's and the Islamic concepts of it. The
emotional, mental and social aspects of puberty should be discussed,
moral, social and Islamic ethics of sexuality should be brought to word;
in the western hemisphere tell them how to avoid peer pressure. Preferably premarital counseling should be
conducted, including sex education. Scholars prefer sex education in
separate classes, contrary to the model in Iran, as described somewhere.
We should however not forget the potential of marital counseling along
with sex education in marital life. A very good book in this regard is the
“Muslim Marriage guide”, written by Ruqayya M. Waris. We need to grow out of the traditional
baggage and pressure, which we carried along with us for centuries,
malpractice the most modern concept of life, if we only gave ourselves the
chance to understand it. The potential is enormous, we only need to take
up the challenge and give ourselves the chance, thus abrogating this
hypocrisy in our society of which we ourselves-me and you, are a part. A proper Sex education may not only be an effort against this hypocrisy and a potential towards a more natural attitude to sex, but also help to fight a very grave crime child sex abuse. It could happen to your child, get involved and prevent it, fight it!
written in response to an article "Sex everywhere" at Chowk, edited w.r.t transcription of Urdu language; Ramadan 1999 M. Tufail, 19. April 1999 reprinted with permission from M. Tufail |
